tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18341725616458291302024-03-08T12:51:57.861-08:00Syapaaye no Nikki (Syapaaye's Journal)Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-59662860475986936992013-03-03T05:31:00.000-08:002013-03-03T05:31:11.838-08:00Hikari's Time<br />
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So, this is one of the side stories, I decided to make it first.</div>
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I'm sorry it's in Indonesian.</div>
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<span lang="IN"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="IN"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Hari itu adalah waktu di mana semuanya menjadi
masuk akal. Tidak, mungkin tidak bisa dibilang seperti itu. Justru hari itu
adalah hari di mana aku menyadari bahwa tidak ada yang masuk akal di dunia ini.
Mimpi, cita-cita, khayalan, takdir, cinta, kasih sayang, kehangatan, apa maksud
dari kata-kata tersebut ya? Pergi dan kembali, terus menerus, berputar-putar
dan berulang-ulang kupikirkan untuk mengetahui arti dari kata-kata tersebut.
Tetapi, semakin aku berpikir dan mencoba untuk mengerti, aku malah semakin
menjauh dari pengertian sebenarnya. Aku bahkan mulai ragu apakah memang ada
pengertian yang benar-benar benar untuk dipasangkan dengan kata-kata tersebut.
Sama dengan kebenaran. Apakah ada kebenaran yang benar-benar benar di dunia
ini? Aku tidak tahu, dan aku tidak berpikir aku akan mengetahui hal itu dalam
hidupku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Hidup
itu sungguh sederhana, kita hanya perlu makan, bertahan hidup, dan
berkembang-biak. Mungkin memang terdengar agak kasar, tapi bukankah memang dari
awal untuk itulah kita hidup? Atau tidak? Yang pasti, hidup itu sederhana,
manusialah yang penuh dengan misteri. Sesuatu yang misterius itu tidak akan ada
jika tidak ada manusia yang membuatnya menjadi sesuatu yang misterius. Jadi,
tidak heran kalau manusialah yang penuh dengan misteri sedari awal. Dengan
akalnya, manusia mulai berpikir dan berpikir, mungkin karena memang hanya
dengan berpikirlah mereka dapat menggunakan akal mereka. Namun, lama-kelamaan
manusia malah mulai ketagihan dengan berpikir. Mempermasalahkan banyak hal di dunia,
membuat banyak misteri dalam hidupnya, mempertanyakan alasan kehidupannya. Yah,
walaupun mungkin itu adalah hal yang benar untuk dilakukan. Dan pertanyaan
paling besar; untuk apa kita diciptakan?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Dengan
asumsi bahwa Tuhan, suatu eksistensi yang melebihi segalanya, itu benar-benar
ada dan Dialah yang menciptakan manusia. Coba kita pikir, tingkatan eksistensi
manusia sungguh berbeda jauh dengan Tuhan, tentu saja karena memang Tuhan yang menciptakan manusia, layaknya
manusia membuat robot yang digunakan sebagai alat. Mereka bilang walau orangtua
yang melahirkan seorang anak, tapi orangtua tidak memiliki hak untuk merenggut
kehidupan anak tersebut karena memang dia telah terlahir. Tapi layaknya
hubungan robot dengan manusia, hubungan manusia dengan Tuhan bukanlah seperti
ayah dan anak. Layaknya manusia yang hanya menganggap bahwa robot hanyalah alat
untuk digunakan, apakah memang benar bahwa Tuhan juga hanya melihat manusia
sebagai alat? Layaknya manusia yang memiliki hak untuk merebut kehidupan robot,
apakah memang benar bahwa Tuhan juga memiliki hak untuk merebut kehidupan
manusia?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Sekali lagi, semakin aku berpikir, semakin aku tak
mengerti dan semakin aku jauh dari apa yang aku pikirkan. Setiap suatu memiliki
hubungan dengan suatu lainnya, namun tak memiliki akar. Sungguh suatu kesalahan
jika aku malah mencari setiap cabang yang terhubung kepada suatu tersebut yang
aku jadikan inti. Semakin aku berpikir, semakin aku menyusuri cabang, yang aku
temukan hanyalah cabang dan cabang lagi, tiada akar atau inti biji. Seperti
itulah dunia, kurasa. Tapi, aku juga tak bisa berhenti berpikir. Karena seperti
yang telah kusebutkan sebelumnya, akalku hanyalah dapat digunakan untuk
berpikir.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Kembali
lagi ke waktu itu. Kalau aku pikir-pikir lagi, waktu itu mungkin adalah waktu
teraneh yang aku alami sejauh ini. Pengalaman yang sungguh menarik walaupun
tidak terlalu berpengaruh terhadap kehidupanku yang sangat biasa. Tidak,
mungkin itu adalah pengalaman yang memiliki pengaruh paling besar terhadap
hidupku sampai aku tak begitu merasa terpengaruhi, karena satu-satunya hal yang
terpengaruh adalah caraku melihat dunia ini. Bagaimana caraku melihat dunia
ini? Tentu saja dengan caraku sendiri. Bagaimana dengan sekarang? Tentu saja
masih dengan caraku sendiri, namun perubahan fundamental pada caraku melihat
dunia ini tidak merubah label bahwa bagaimana caraku melihat dunia ini adalah
caraku sendiri. Memusingkan, memang.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Siang
yang sungguh terik, begitu pikirku sambil menahan sinar matahari memasuki
mataku dengan bayangan yang dibuat tangan kananku sendiri. Surga yang sungguh
kecil, hanya cukup untuk menutupi sebagian mukaku. Aku terus mengeluh dan
mengeluh, untuk apa sinar matahari diciptakan sepanas ini. Tentu saja itu
hanyalah pertanyaan konyol, namun tetap saja aku tak bisa menahannya ketika aku
diterjang neraka yang besar dengan hanya pertahanan yang sangat kecil. Tapi ini
juga salahku karena tidak membawa apapun dari rumah. Kalau saja aku setidaknya
membawa topi, mungkin setidaknya aku bisa melihat ke depan dengan jelas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“....Pa....Naaaaaaaas....”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Keluhku sambil menurunkan lenganku dengan lesu.
Keringat telah membasahi sekujur tubuhku, membuat seluruhnya agak lengket dan
tidak nyaman. Aspal yang kupijaki juga mengeluarkan hawa panas. Bahkan suara
jangkrik yang seharusnya bisa terdengar merdu sekarang malah seperti kesakitan
terserang oleh panas ini.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Di depanku, anak-anak terlihat dengan senangnya
berlari-lari di cuaca yang sangat panas seperti ini. Dan mereka sambil memegang
es krim di tangan mereka. Walaupun di depanku adalah toko manisan yang menjual
es krim, tetap saja aku tidak bisa membelinya karena aku tidak memiliki uang.
Aku hanyalah seorang pelajar SMA yang tak memiliki pekerjaan sambilan dan hanya
bergantung pada uang saku yang diberikan oleh orangtua, jadi aku benar-benar
tak mempunyai pilihan untuk menahan hausku. Tapi, walaupun begitu, melihat
mereka dengan segarnya malah makin membuat diriku putus asa dan semakin haus. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Ahh, mereka berlari ke arahku. Lalu salah satu
dari mereka melihatku dengan tampangnya yang sangat polos, yang mungkin juga
kebingungan. Mulutnya terbuka lebar, hidungnya mengeluarkan cairan ingus yang
lumayan banyak, hampir masuk ke mulutnya. Ia memegang es krim yang sedang dalam
proses pelelehan oleh panas alami.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Aku
tersenyum aneh sambil melambaikan tanganku, lalu menunjuk tangannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Hey, dik, kalau tak mau kau makan, boleh buatku
saja?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Tanpa bilang apa-apa, dia menggerakan kepalanya
dan melihat tangannya yang basah karena lelehan es yang ia pegang. Setelah
terdiam sejenak, dia pun melihat kembali kepadaku dan—<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Weeeeek!!” Dan anak itu pun lari mengejar
teman-temannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Aku menundukkan kepalaku menghadap jalan dan
menjatuhkan tanganku yang tadinya masih di udara menunjuk es krim yang sudah
pergi. Dunia memang kejam. Walaupun mungkin konten di mana seharusnya kalimat
seperti itu dikatakan berbeda, tetap saja dunia memang kejam. Oh, apakah Tuhan
memang telah membuangku di saat-saat seperti ini. Mungkin ini juga salahku yang
memang tidak pernah meminta atau menyembah Tuhan di saat-saat senang. Tapi tetap
saja, bukankah Tuhan tidak pernah meninggalkan makhluk ciptaannya dalam
penderitaan? Oh, aku tidak bisa membedakan keringatku dengan airmataku
sekarang. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Saat aku masih berpikir hal-hal gelap seperti itu,
sebuah bayangan menutupiku dari sinar matahari. Aku pun menoleh ke sampingku,
merasakan bahwa ada seseorang yang berdiri di sana.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Bidadariku!” Teriakku ketika aku melihat seorang
gadis sedang memegang sebuah parasol untuk melindungi tubuhku dan tubuhnya dari
sinar yang tak kenal ampun tersebut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Perempuan itu hanya tersenyum dengan manis
mendengar gombalanku. Yah, kalau itu memang bisa disebut sebagai gombalan. Dia
pun lalu menyodorkan tangannya yang satu lagi yang sedang memegang sebuah botol
minuman dingin, teh hijau lebih tepatnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Silahkan.” Gadis itu berkata dengan lembut.
Suaranya yang lemah gemulai mudah terdengar karena terbawa oleh angin. Parasnya
yang cantik dengan matanya yang bulat dan bibirnya yang tipis membuatku terpaku
untuk sesaat menatapnya. Rambutnya yang bergoyang diayun oleh angin sungguh
terlihat cocok berdampingan dengan dirinya. Tubuhnya yang langsing dan
proporsional pun juga salah satu kelebihan utama gadis ini.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Aku
pun menjulurkan tanganku untuk mengambil botol minuman tersebut darinya.
Dingin, telapak tanganku yang sedang kehausan pun merasa terpuaskan dengan
bersentuhannya kulit paling luarnya dengan kulit paling luar botol tersebut.
Dinginnya pun merambat ke dalam kulit, menjulur ke sekitar tangan. Tanpa ragu,
aku pun membuka tutup botol tersebut dan meminum isinya. Sungguh menyegarkan,
rasa haus mulai sirna dari kerongkonganku yang sudah hampir kering diterjang
hawa panas bumi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Puaaaaah... Kau memang penyelamat jiwa. Terima
kasih banyak, Akari.” Kataku sambil tersenyum setelah menutup kembali botol
tersebut dan mengembalikan botol tersebut kepada gadis itu. Gadis itu pun
tersenyum manis sambil menempatkan tangannya menyelimuti tanganku untuk
mengambil botol minuman yang kupegang. Tangannya sungguh halus dan lembut.
Sungguh suatu yang abnormal pula tangannya tidak berasa terlalu panas di tengah
hari seperti ini. Yah, atau mungkin memang karena seluruh tubuhnya dilindungi
oleh parasol sedari awal. Perlahan, ia mulai menarik botol itu dari tanganku
dan membuka tutup botol itu lalu meminumnya dengan khidmat. Sungguh pemandangan
yang tak biasa kau lihat. Pemandangan yang benar-benar khidmat dengan setitik
air yang mengalir melalui lehernya, membentuk jalan bercabang membasahi kulit
bagian luarnya. Matanya tertutup, terlihat sangat menikmati puasnya dahaga yang
ditahan. Bibirnya menempel pada bibir botol, kerongkongannya menelan dengan
pola yang dapat disadari dengan mudah, layaknya degup jantung. Dia pun
menurunkan botol tersebut dan menutupnya kembali. Ia lalu menoleh kearahku
dengan wajah merah merona dan tersenyum kepadaku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Umm! Benar-benar segar ya, Hikari.” Katanya dengan
ceria. Aku pun ikut tersenyum bersamanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Baiklah, mari kita pergi sekarang.” Aku lalu
menggapai tangan Akari dan memegangnya dengan erat dan tanganku yang satu
mengambil parasol Akari untuk membawanya. Akari pun menggenggam tanganku dengan
erat juga. Tangan yang sungguh halus bagaikan diuntai oleh benang sutra dan
dibuat dari kain wool. Tangan yang sangat hangat yang mampu mengusir semua hawa
dingin di dalam hati. Yah, memang agak berlebihan, tapi memang sebegitu
bahagianyalah aku sekarang.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Sehari sebelum ini, aku mengajak Akari untuk
berkencan, dan dengan sangat bahagianya, dia pun menerima ajakanku. Akari
adalah pacarku dari beberapa minggu yang lalu. Kami dulu pertama bertemu di kelas satu SMP, dan kami pun masuk ke
dalam SMA yang sama. Parasnya yang lembut dan anggun serta sikapnya yang selalu
positif dan ceria selalu menemukan celah untuk membuatku jatuh cinta kepadanya.
Karena itu, beberapa minggu yang lalu pun aku memberanikan diriku untuk
menembaknya. Tapi tidak, mungkin bukan beberapa minggu yang lalu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Kami sampai di suatu mall sambil bergandeng
tangan. Karena di dalam ruangan, aku pun telah menutup parasol yang Akari bawa
dan Akari menyimpannya dalam tas kecil yang ia bawa. Walaupun hanya
melihat-lihat, aku benar-benar bahagia hanya dengan melihat wajah Akari di
sampingku saat ini.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Hei, hei, Hikari, bukankah ini lucu sekali?” Kata
Akari memulai pembicaraan sambil memegang suatu boneka.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Tentu, kau menginginkannya?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Ahh, harganya mahal sekali.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Mana coba lihat.” Aku menjulurkan tanganku untuk
meraih boneka tersebut, namun Akari menariknya dari jangkauanku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Tidak boleh! Harganya mahal.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Bukannya tadi kau bilang lucu?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“Bukan berarti aku menginginkannya, lho!” Akari
lalu menaruh boneka tersebut ke raknya kembali.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Kami
pun berjalan-jalan dan menikmati waktu kencan kami. Sampai pada akhirnya kami
sampai di suatu toko elektronik yang besar. Akari mengatakan belakangan ini dia
membutuhkan laptop untuk membantunya menulis. Akari sangat suka menulis dengan khayalannya
yang tak dapat ditandingi oleh orang lain. Namun entah mengapa, aku tidak
terlalu suka melihatnya menulis. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">*DOR<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">“JANGAN BERGERAK!! INI ADALAH PERAMPOKAN!!”
Setelah terdengar suara letusan senjata api, beberapa orang dengan topeng
menempel di wajah mereka pun menodongkan pistol mereka kepada orang-orang yang
ada di dalam toko tersebut. Mereka lalu mengumpulkan orang-orang di dalam toko
sebagai sandera sampai polisi pun datang.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Akari memeluk tanganku dengan khawatir. Situasi
ini bukanlah situasi yang biasanya orang duga. Terlibat dalam suatu perampokan
bukanlah hal yang menyenangkan, baik di sisi sandera, polisi, maupun perampok
itu sendiri. Karena itu, kami semua menjadi tegang dan panik dalam hati kami.
Terlihat ketakutan dari semua orang yang dikumpulkan menjadi sandera. Badan
mereka pun gemetaran tak karuan, termasuk diriku dan Akari.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Tiba-tiba, salah satu dari mereka menarik Akari.
Tentu saja aku mencoba melawan, tapi orang itu segera memukulku begitu aku
mencoba menahan Akari. Orang itu lalu membawa Akari ke depan pintu dan
menodongkan senjatanya kepada Akari sambil mengucapkan kata-kata kasar kepada
polisi-polisi yang mengepung mereka. Keadaan menjadi tambah panas, orang-orang
telah kehilangan kesabaran mereka. Keputus-asaan menyampari setiap orang yang
berada di sekitar tempat kejadian. Lalu,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">*DOR<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Orang itu pun menembak Akari, tepat di kepalanya.
Keadaan tambah menjadi ribut, namun aku tak bisa mendengar apa-apa. Waktu
berjalan menjadi makin lambat, memperlihatkan adegan slow-motion Akari jatuh ke
lantai dengan darah mengalir dari kepalanya. Aku hanya melihatnya tanpa berbuat
apa-apa dengan mata yang terbuka lebar. Warna merah darah dari kepala Akari
mulai membuatku mual.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">*BRUK<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Tubuh Akari yang sudah tak memiliki nyawa dan
senyumannya itu pun terbaring di atas lantai dengan darah yang merambat menuju
setiap arah. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="IN"> Aku
memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu. Namun, aku tak akan dapat
menerima pemandangan yang serupa seberapa kali pun diulang di depan mata
kepalaku sendiri. Aku tidak mau terbiasa, aku tidak akan pernah terbiasa.
Melihat hal-hal yang tak ingin kau lihat, dipaksa memakan hal yang memuakkan,
semuanya hanya akan membuat dirimu ingin memuntahkan segala yang telah kau
simpan. Layaknya apa yang terjadi, mau berapa kali pun, aku tak mau
menerimanya, aku tidak akan pernah bisa menerimanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="IN">Aku lalu membuka mataku dan menyadari bahwa aku
sedang tertidur di atas meja. Aku meluruskan badanku dan melihat Akari duduk di
depanku sedang menulis sesuatu di bukunya. Sosoknya terlihat sangat serius dan
khidmat, namun ada tanda kesedihan dan kesepian yang tertanam di dalam dirinya.
Walaupun ini terdengar tidak pantas, aku harus mengatakan bahwa ekspresi sedih
tersebut sangat cocok dimiliki oleh Akari. Dan karena itu pula, aku tidak
begitu suka melihatnya menulis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN"><br />
Kami berada di dalam perpustakaan dalam sekolah, hari Kamis, 2 hari sebelum
hari libur.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, Akari.” Aku memanggilnya yang sedang
menggerakkan jarinya mengendalikan pensil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ya?” Hikari menjawab dengan lembut tanpa
memalingkan pandangannya kepada buku tersebut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Lusa, apa kau bebas?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ya, ada apa?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Apa kau mau... Pergi kencan pada hari itu?” Aku
menjawab dengan malu-malu. Ini adalah salah satu aturannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“!!” Dia segera menoleh ke arahku dengan muka yang
terkejut sekaligus senang.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak mau...?” Aku berkata dengan ragu-ragu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak!! Tentu saja aku mau!! Aku mau!!” Dia
menganggukkan kepalanya sekuat tenaga dengan wajah yang dihiasi oleh warna yang
merah merona. Dia benar-benar terlihat sangat senang dengan senyumnya yang
sangat lebar di wajahnya. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN"> Sabtu,
hari di mana aku berkencan dengan Akari. Sambil menunggu di depan toko permen
yang paling terkenal di daerahku, aku menahan haus yang menyerangku sampai
akhirnya Akari datang dengan Parasol dan minuman dingin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Maaf ya. Apa kau menunggu lama?” Katanya dengan
sangat lembut dan wajah yang memelas manis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak kok, aku juga baru datang.” Impian setiap pria, mengatakan hal yang
seperti itu. Aku pun juga tak akan pernah bosan mengatakan itu berapa kalipun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Baiklah, ayo kita pergi, Hikari.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku menggapai tangan Hikari dan menggenggamnya,
lalu berjalan menuju laut. Kencan kami kali ini adalah melihat pemandangan laut
sambil memakan Crepe yang telah kami beli. Sambil berdiri di belakang papan
penjaga agar tak ada yang jatuh ke atas karang, kami melihat ke kejauhan dan
berbincang-bincang dengan riangnya. Sampai akhirnya, aku membawa topik yang
seharusnya tidak pernah kubawa.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Keluargamu... Bagaimana?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Senyumnya terhenti, ia menutup mulutnya dan
menurunkan Crepe yang tadinya dia angkat mendekati mulutnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak ada perubahan. Ayah masih saja tetap
menjadi manusia yang tidak berguna. Ibu juga sudah terlihat sangat lelah.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Kesedihannya pun semakin dalam menusuk hatiku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Kau telah mencoba berbicara kepadanya?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Belum.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Baguslah, dia belum berbicara kepada ayahnya yang
telah menjadi sampah masyarakat itu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Maaf ya, aku malah mengangkat topik seperti ini.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak apa-apa. Aku malah senang, karena Hikari
perhatian kepadaku.” Ia berkata sambil tersenyum dengan sangat manis sambil
diiringi angin yang membuai dari laut. Senyum yang sangat manis yang dapat
membuatku terdiam dan ingin menghentikan waktu. Senyum yang sangat manis yang
tak bisa membuatku bosan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Akan sangat menyayat hatiku, bila sampai pada
saatnya aku harus berhenti melihat senyuman itu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Dari belakang, seorang anak berlari sambil dikejar
oleh orangtuanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Stop! Ken-chaaaan!” Seorang wanita, ibunya
berlari dan berteriak dengan wajah yang khawatir.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ahahahaha! Tangkap aku, ibu!” Anak itu berlari ke
arah kami dengan riangnya sambil melambai dan melihat ke arah ibunya yang
berlari di belakangnya. Wajah yang sangat polos dengan senyumnya yang sangat
ceria, kebalikan dari ibunya yang berlari dengan muka lelah dan panik. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di satu titik, anak itu kehilangan keseimbangan
dan jatuh terselengkat. Batu? Tanah yang licin? Kakinya sendiri? Aku tidak tahu
apa yang membuatnya jatuh. Aku tidak perduli. Satu-satunya hal adalah tempatnya
akan mendarat; tepat di belakang Akari.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Dengan berat anak tersebut, Akari terdorong jatuh
melewati batas keselamatan. Sosoknya yang anggun melawan terjangan angin pun
perlahan menghilang dari mataku. Senyumnya yang indah bagai bidadari mulai
tertarik oleh gravitasi ditemani oleh
Crepe yang sedang dipegangnya. Lagi-lagi, semua terlihat dalam bentuk slow
motion yang makin dapat memuakkanku. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">*BRUK<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Suara yang sangat kencang dan tidak menyenangkan.
Tubuh Akari terbaring di atas tajamnya karang dengan darah bercipratan di
mana-mana mewarnai pemandangan tersebut. Begitu juga dengan Crepe yang tadinya
dipegang oleh Akari. Crepe yang harusnya mempunyai warna yang macam-macam
sekarang telah tercat merah pekat dan hancur ke mana-mana. Di saat itu, aku
berhenti untuk melihat betapa menyedihkan, indah, kejam, dan bermaknanya
pemandangan tubuh Akari yang berlumuran darah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu.
Berpuluh-puluh kali, beratus-ratus kali aku mencoba, namun aku tetap gagal. Beratus-ratus
kali, beribu-beribu kali aku mencoba, semuanya tak bisa berubah. Hari itu,
Akari tetap kehilangan segalanya. Hari itu, aku tetap kehilangan segalanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Menangis dan menangis. Aku hanya dapat menangis di
hari itu. Di depan batu nisan Akari yang meninggal karena ditusuk oleh ayahnya
sendiri, aku hanya dapat menangis dan menangis. Dunia sangatlah kejam, begitu
pikirku. Aku memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu, namun aku tidak
pernah merasakan kebencian yang sangat-sangat murni pada saat itu. Semua
pemandangan yang kulihat berubah menjadi abu-abu. Semua suara yang kudengar
hanya terekam sebagai suara bising. Hanya kehampaan yang dapat mengisi hati.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Suara air
yang jatuh dengan sangat lembut terdengar dari belakangku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Pada saat
itu, aku hanya dapat mengutuk dunia dan diriku sendiri.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Suara air
jatuh di atas genangan lainnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Aku
menutup mataku dengan segala perasaan terkunci di dalamnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Suara air
yang dapat mengeluarkan segala kebencianku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Segala
perasaan itupun meluap keluar melewati kerongkongan dan mencapai mulutku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Suara air
yang dapat menghapuskan segala keberadaan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Dengan perlahan,
aku pun mulai membuka bibir dan mulutku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Suara air
yang mampu membuatku mengatakannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” “Tlik”
“Tlik”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="IN">“Aku harap aku
dapat mengulang waktu.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku terbangun di perpustakaan pada hari Kamis. Aku
memandang wajah Akari yang sedang seriusnya menggerakkan pensilnya ke sana
kemari, menggoreskan kata-kata yang keluar dari benaknya. Sambil memandang
sosoknya yang terlihat anggun, aku pun
terlelap kembali karena sudah lama sekali sejak aku tidur terakhir.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tlik” Waktu itu adalah suara titik air jatuh yang
kudengar bersamaan dengan suara seorang gadis yang sangat lembut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hai.” Kata-kata pertama dia menyapaku dari
belakang. Aku tidak mengerti kenapa dia mulai menyapaku. Aku hanya dapat
berbalik dan melihatnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, apa kau percaya kepada keajaiban?” Dia
berkata dengan santainya sambil bersandar kepada dinding di tempat parkiran
sepeda itu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“...Mungkin tidak.” Tidak tahu kenapa, aku
menjawabnya tanpa adanya kecurigaan sedikitpun kepadanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Mungkin?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak, mungkin aku percaya. Hanya saja, aku tidak
pernah melihat satu pun keajaiban di dunia ini.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Aku mengerti. Jikalau keajaiban pun benar-benar
ada, keajaiban tersebut hanya akan didapatkan oleh siapa yang berhak
mendapatkannya, bukankah begitu?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“...Mungkin seperti itu.” Aku pun berbalik untuk
berjalan menuju kelas sampai akhirnya aku ingat sesuatu. Aku berbalik kembali
untuk melihat gadis tersebut dan bertanya; “Siapa namamu?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Dia menjawab ; “Arisa. Ingatlah Hikari, keajaiban
ada tergantung siapa yang mempercayainya, atau tidak ada sama sekali.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku berbalik kembali untuk menuju kelas lagi,
namun dengan segera aku mengingat bahwa aku tidak pernah memperkenalkan diriku
sendiri. Aku berbalik lagi sambil berkata; “Hey, dari mana kau—“ Namun, dia
tidak terlihat di manapun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Itulah pertemuan pertamaku dengan Arisa yang
mengubah seluruh persepsi-ku. Aku memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu,
namun dengan alasan yang sangat berbeda dengan kebencianku saat ini. Dunia yang
tak mau membiarkan Akari hidup di kedamaian. Dunia yang selalu memisahkan diriku
dengan Akari. Dunia di mana keajaiban mempermainkanku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN"> Aku
terbangun disinari oleh sinar mentari sore yang berwarna oranye. Di depanku,
Akari melihatku dan tersenyum dengan sangat manis. Aku pun tertegun melihatnya.
Wanita cantik yang mampu memikat hatiku, dihiasi sinar oranye dari matahari
beserta senyumannya yang mampu membuat hatiku luluh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Selamat pagi.” Katanya menggodaku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Maaf, aku ketiduran.” Aku mengusap-usap mataku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak apa-apa. Kau terlihat sangat damai dan imut
ketika kau sedang tidur, jadi aku tak tega membangunkanmu.” Dia tertawa kecil
sambil menutup mulutnya dengan kepalan kecil tangannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, Akari. Lusa, kau mau pergi kencan denganku?”
Aku mengatakannya dengan tenang.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di tengah jalan, Akari tertabrak mobil, meninggal
di tempat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, Akari. Lusa, kau mau pergi kencan denganku?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di taman, Akari jatuh dan lehernya tertusuk ujung
pagar yang lancip, sempat meronta kesakitan lalu meninggal di tempat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, Akari...”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di taman bermain, roller-coaster yang kita naiki
terjadi malfungsi dan Akari jatuh di tengah wahana, meninggal di tempat dengan
darah terciprat ke mana-mana dengan suara teriakan orang-orang terdengar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey...”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di stasiun, Akari terselengkat lalu tertabrak dan
terlindas kereta, daging di mana-mana, muntah orang-orang ke mana-mana, bau
darah dan teriakan histeris di segala arah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, Akari...”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ya?” Dia menjawab dengan lembut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Keluargamu... Bagaimana?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak ada perubahan... Kurasa...” Dia menjawab
dengan sedih.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ketika ada suatu masalah, kumohon bicaralah
kepadaku. Dan aku mohon jangan berhadapan dengan ayahmu jika ada suatu
masalah.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di rumah Akari, rumah Akari terbakar bersama
isinya. Keluarganya selamat, namun Akari mati terbakar karena menyelamatkan
keluarganya tersebut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, Akari...”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ya?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“...Tidak... Tidak apa-apa.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di rumah Akari, Akari ditusuk oleh ayahnya yang
sedang mabuk dan emosi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN"> Aku
memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu. Namun melihat, mendengar,
merasakan Akari tidak berada di sampingku berulang-ulang kali, satu-satunya
keajaiban yang kurasakan adalah bahwa aku belum menjadi gila sampai saat ini. Aku
memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu, karena itu aku telah mencoba lari
berkali-kali. Tetapi setiap aku berlari, aku melihat bahwa Akari tidak ikut
bersamaku. Sama dengan sekarang, aku tetap berlari dan berlari. Waktu itu aku
berpikir, mungkin jika aku kembali lebih jauh, aku akan memperbesar
kemungkinanku untuk berhasil menyelamatkan Akari. Karena itulah aku terus
berlari kembali.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Beberapa hari sebelum kencanku di hari Sabtu, aku
mengajakn Akari untuk berlibur di villa dekat pantai. Awalnya dia tidak yakin
untuk ikut, namun karena ini memang sedang libur musim panas, akhirnya dia pun
setuju untuk pergi berlibur bersamaku untuk beberapa hari.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Bagaimana dengan orangtuamu? Apa mereka mengijinkanmu
pergi untuk beberapa hari? Walaupun bersama keluargaku, aku tetap laki-laki,
lho.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tidak, tentu saja mereka khawatir awalnya, tapi
aku berhasil membujuk mereka untuk mengijinkanmu kok.” Katanya sambil tersenyum
sipit. Saat itu, aku sempat khawatir apakah dia jujur mengatakan bahwa mereka
mengijinkannya untuk ikut bersamaku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Lagipula, aku bisa percaya kok kepada Hikari.”
Kata Akari sambil menyandarkan kepalanya kepada pundakku. Saat itu, aku merasa
udara di sekitarku menjadi panas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Sesampainya di villa, kami segera menyimpan
barang-barang bawaan kami dan melakukan beres-beres. Pada saat aku masih
membenahi barang-barangku, Akari keluar dari kamarnya dan segera beranjak
keluar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Kalau begitu, aku pergi duluan ke pantai ya,
Hikari.” Katanya dengan ceria. Benar-benar orang yang semangat dan tidak sabar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Akari berlari melewatiku sambil membawa tas
kecilnya yang kemungkinan berisi baju renangnya. Dag dig dug. Jantungku mulai
berdegup kencang saat itu. Aku tidak tahu mengapa, mungkin salah satunya adalah
imajinasiku yang mulai menjadi liar ingin cepat melihatnya memakai baju renang.
Atau mungkin...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku segera membalikkan badanku dan memanggil Akari
yang sedang memegang gagang pintu masuk villa.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Akari!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ya?” Dia menoleh ke arahku dengan wajahnya yang masih
bersinar-sinar dengan semangat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“...Berhati-hatilah.” Aku mengatakannya dengan
khawatir.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ya!” Dia memutar gagang pintu villa dan
menariknya untuk membuka pintu tersebut. Ia pun segera beranjak keluar sambil
diterjang oleh cahaya matahari yang menyilaukan. Sangat silau seakan melahap
sosok Akari yang sedang berlari kegirangan tersebut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Tentu saja, seperti yang sebelum-sebelumnya,
keajaiban takkan pernah gagal mengejarku. Ini bukanlah nasib buruk, dan aku tak
sudi mengatakan bahwa ini takdir. Aku pun tak tahu apakah ini salah satu
kehendak konyol Tuhan yang dibiarkan oleh para malaikat, atau permainan sadis
iblis yang diacuhkan oleh Tuhan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Agak lama setelah aku membereskan barang-barangku,
orangtuaku masuk ke dalam villa dengan tergesa-gesa. Mereka mengatakan bahwa
Akari telah meninggal karena tenggelam di pantai.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Kalau begitu, aku pergi duluan ke pantai ya,
Hikari.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Akari berlari melewatiku dan aku segera menangkap
tangannya dengan wajahku yang penuh dengan kekhawatiran.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hikari...?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ah, maaf. Maukah kau menungguku sebentar lagi?
Aku ingin menjadi orang pertama yang melihatmu dalam baju renang.” Kataku
dengan senyum pahit di muka pahitku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Wajah Akari memerah. Dia segera menundukkan
kepalanya serendah mungkin agar aku tak melihat rona merah tersebut. Dengan
tenang, di mengangguk dan segera duduk dengan manis di bangku terdekat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Di pantai, matahari tanpa halangan apapun sungguh menyiksa tubuh, terutama bagi tubuh
yang belum memakai sunscreen. Namun, walaupun begitu, pemandangan Akari memakai
baju renang sungguh terlihat sangat manis dan menyegarkan sampai aku melupakan
tubuhku yang seakan terbakar. Melihat tingkahnya yang sangat aktif hanya dapat
membuatku tersenyum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Sesenang itu kah kau bermain di pantai seperti
ini?” Aku berkata kepada Akari.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ahh, maaf. Seperti bukan diriku saja, ya.” Dia
menjadi lebih diam dan menjaga sikapnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tentu saja, aku melihatmu sekarang berbeda dengan
dirimu di saat lain, tapi itu bukanlah hal yang buruk bukan. Aku malah bahagia
melihatmu sesenang itu.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Itu karena aku jarang berlibur keluar seperti
ini, terutama bersama-sama selain orangtuaku. Selain itu, belakangan ini aku
selalu berada di rumah. Karena itu, aku sangat berterima kasih kau mau
mengajakku kemari, Hikari.” Dia tersenyum lebar dengan sangat manis. Senyuman
yang sangat terang yang dapat menyilaukanku, mengalahkan silaunya matahari yang
membakarku saat itu. Namun, walaupun terang, dapat terlihat sejumput kesedihan
tercampur di dalamnya. Senyum dan rasa terima kasih yang dapat memberitahuku
bahwa dia selalu terpenjara, dikekang dengan ketat oleh orangtuanya yang sangat
idealis, menginginkannya untuk menjadi anak yang sangat lebih dibanding
anak-anak yang lain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Jangan lupa untuk melakukan pemanasan sebelum
masuk ke air.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Baiiiik~”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku keliru. Seharusnya aku mengetahui bahwa Akari
adalah orang yang sangat teliti dan hati-hati terutama dalam menjalankan suatu
prosedur yang biasanya dilakukan orang-orang. Tentu saja, sebelum ini Akari
pasti melakukan pemanasan terlebih dahulu sebelum masuk ke air. Itu pun juga salah
satu kesalahanku yang belum mendengarkan sebab kematiannya dengan lengkap.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Beberapa saat setelah masuk ke air, Akari berenang
agak jauh dari pantai dan terperangkap jaring penangkap ikan. Benar-benar tidak
masuk akal. Benar-benar tidak masuk akal membuatku tak ingin mendengarkan
alasan kenapa bisa ada jaring penangkap ikan di pantai seperti itu. Jaring
ilegal? Manusia yang ceroboh? Terbawa arus? Sudah kukatakan, aku sudah tidak
perduli alasannya. Karena ini berarti Akari takkan dapat selamat selama dia
masih berenang di pantai tersebut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku memegang tangannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ah, maaf. Maukah kau menungguku sebentar lagi?
Aku ingin menjadi orang pertama yang melihatmu dalam baju renang.” Aku berkata
dengan tenang.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Akari jatuh dari tebing untuk ke-berapa puluh
kalinya. Baju renang yang awalnya terlihat putih sekarang berubah menjadi corak
merah yang tak beraturan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku memegang tangannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ah, maaf. Maukah kau menungguku sebentar lagi?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Akari tertimpa papan reklame untuk ke-berapa
kalinya. Wajah yang awalnya terlihat sungguh manis sekarang berubah menjadi
penyok yang dapat membuat orang-orang muntah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku memegang tangannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ah, maaf.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Akari meninggal keracunan makanan di restoran
dekat pantai. Senyumnya yang awalnya terlihat sangat menyilaukan sekarang
berubah menjadi penuh dengan muntahan dengan corak merah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu.
Bukanlah dunia yang menari di atas kesedihan dan keadaan kami, tapi kamilah
yang dipaksa untuk menari untuk menghibur dunia sambil menahan beban kesedihan
dan keadaan tersebut. Aku pernah berpikir, bahwa tidak seharusnya Akari ikut
menari di atas panggung penuh hina seperti ini. Akulah yang selalu menyeretnya
untuk menari, akulah yang selalu menariknya untuk ikut menahan beban tersebut. Walaupun begitu, walaupun aku merasa akulah
satu-satunya makhluk yang melakukannya dengan salah, aku tidak bisa lepas dari
rasa lega akan adanya Akari di atas panggung ini bersamaku. Aku tidak bisa
lepas dari rasa puas akan adanya Akari di sampingku dan membantuku menanggung
semua beban yang seharusnya aku sendiri yang menahannya. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Maaf, tapi orangtuaku belum mengijinkanku
pacaran.” Kata Akari dengan pelan dan halus seakan mencoba membunuhku dengan
lembut, layaknya mencincang-cincang tanpa adanya rasa sakit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Ia menundukkan kepalanya sambil mempertemukan
kedua jari telunjuknya. Saat itu, aku sadar bahwa aku telah ditolak, tapi
tingkahnya yang sangat manis membuatku tetap ingin melihatnya sampai kapanpun.
Mungkin inilah yang dinamakan dengan obsesi. Aku tahu obsesi bukanlah hal yang
baik, namun seperti itulah yang kurasa pada saat itu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Aku bersiap untuk menyerah dan meninggalkan kelas
yang disinari sinar mentari sore tersebut. Akari, sambil berdiri di depan
jendela dengan gorden yang melambai ditiup oleh angin berkata kepadaku dengan
wajah yang penuh harap dan rasa bersalah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Tapi!! Bukan berarti aku membencimu.” Saat itulah
setitik harapan mulai menyinari hatiku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Malah... Aku... Aku... Aku juga menyukaimu!” Dia
mengatakannya sambil menahan rasa malunya dengan mata tertutup. Sungguh manis
membuatku ingin membawanya pulang saat itu juga. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Kalau begitu, jika aku dapat membujuk orangtuamu,
maukah kau berpacaran denganku?” Kalimat yang seharusnya aku katakan pada saat
itu. Kalimat yang sudah kuhafalkan dan kuingat layaknya skrip film yang telah
ditulis dengan sangat sempurna. Namun kali ini, aku melakukan improvisasi
dengan tidak mengatakannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Kali pertama, aku mengatakannya dan dapat membujuk
orangtuanya pada akhirnya. Aku pun memperoleh berbagai macam informasi mengenai
keadaan rumah tangga Akari yang sedang tidak stabil. Ayahnya adalah mantan
konglomerat yang terkena tipu dan membuat perusahaannya sendiri bangkrut.
Ibunya hanyalah ibu rumah tangga biasa dan terlihat sangat berbeda dengan sikap
ayahnya. Jika ayahnya sangat kasar dan galak serta penuh dengan kesombongan dan
harga diri, maka ibunya adalah orang yang lembut dan halus serta baik dan
rendah hati. Walaupun Akari mengatakan bahwa ayahnya dulunya sangat penyayang
dan baik pada setiap orang, tapi itulah yang membuatnya kehilangan
perusahaannya dengan mempercayai orang yang berbuat tidak baik kepadanya.
Akhirnya, ayahnya pun berubah menjadi sampah masyarakat yang masih saja memeluk
kesombongan dan harga dirinya yang tinggi dengan erat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Kalau diingat-ingat, aku sampai bertengkar keras
dengan ayahnya soal menjadikan Akari pacarku. Ayahnya bersikeras mengatakan aku
tak bisa apa-apa karena aku masih sekolah, aku bersikeras bahwa aku takkan
menjadi manusia tak berguna sepertinya dan mendapat luka di sana-sini. Kami
bertengkar dan berteriak sekuat tenaga sampai akhirnya ayahnya mengatakan bahwa
aku dapat melakukan sesukaku. Kalau dipikir-pikir, dia tidak pernah mengatakan
bahwa dia merestuiku berhubungan dengan Akari. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Walaupun pada awalnya dia terlihat seperti ayah
yang baik yang hanya ingin membahagiakan anaknya dengan pria yang benar,
kenyataannya tidak begitu. Dia hanyalah serigala berbulu domba yang mampu
mengorbankan segalanya hanya untuk menjunjung tinggi harga dirinya yang bahkan
tidak lebih berguna dari dirinya pada saat itu. Menusuk anaknya sendiri,
membakar rumahnya sendiri, bahkan berniat melakukan bunuh diri masal dengan
Akari dan istrinya sendiri. Aku benar-benar membenci orang itu sampai-sampai
membuatku sangat jijik ketika melihat mukanya lagi. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Sama seperti ibunya yang terlihat sangat perhatian
terhadap Akari. Tidak, mungkin memang orang itu perhatian terhadap Akari, namun
aku tidak bisa mengesampingkan kenyataan bahwa orang itulah juga yang
membiarkan tirani seperti suaminya bertindak sesukanya, mengontrol kehidupan keluarga
tersebut dengan sewenang-wenang, memonopoli dan korup terhadap kasih sayang
yang seharusnya ada dalam rumah tangga tersebut. Sedari awal dan pada akhirnya,
ibunya tak dapat melakukan apapun dan hanya diam tak berdaya melihat kebrutalan
manusia bengis tersebut. Tidak, lebih tepat disebut bahwa ia memilih tak
melakukan apapun untuk melawan hewan buas tersebut. Aku juga membenci orang
ini.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Namun, sebagaimana sesuatu yang tak dapat
dihindari, mereka adalah orangtua biologis, orangtua yang membesarkan dan merawat
Akari, orang-orang yang dicintai oleh seseorang yang kucintai. Mungkin akan
lebih sangat tepat, kalau aku mengatakan bahwa aku membenci diriku sendiri yang
tak akan pernah dapat menerima mereka sebagai bagian dari hidupku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Hari itu adalah hari di mana aku menyatakan
cintaku kepada Akari. Kalimat yang tak akan pernah kulupa karena selalu
terulang-ulang di kepalaku layaknya kaset rusak, kali ini aku tidak
mengatakannya. Aku tidak mengatakan kalimat tersebut. Aku hanya dapat tersenyum
dengan manis sambil menahan kesedihan dan kata-kata tersebut yang berebut ingin
didengungkan dengan pita suaraku. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Sampai di rumah, aku menangis di depan kaca kamar
mandi yang merefleksikan rasa sakit dan perih yang kurasakan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Hey, Akari, mau makan siang denganku?” Aku mendekatinya
pada saat jam istirahat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">“Ah, maaf. Aku agak sibuk dan sepertinya tak akan
sempat makan siang hari ini.” Dia berkata dengan nada sedih dan senyum pahit
yang penuh dengan rasa bersalah. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Mulai hari itu, Akari mulai menjauhiku. Dia selalu
mengatakan bahwa dia sibuk dengan segala hal, namun aku dapat merasakan bahwa
orangtuanya, lebih tepat ayahnya, mulai mengekangknya dalam segala hal tersebut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Sejauh ini, aku melihat Akari sebagai gadis yang
sangat hebat dan kuat. Karena sampai saat ini, ada satu pola kematian yang tak
pernah terjadi oleh Akari. Namun kali ini aku akhirnya menyadari, bahwa sebelum
menjadi pacarku, anak dari orangtuanya, dan gadis yang kuat, Akari hanyalah
seorang manusia normal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span lang="IN">Bayangkan segala kemuakkan, hal-hal yang menjijikkan
serta menyakitkan, hal-hal yang membuatmu tak betah, hal-hal yang membuatmu seperti terkekang dan
membuatmu ingin segera lepas darinya, serta segala hal-hal yang membuat hatimu
gulita karena ditelannya semua cahaya yang tersisa dengan kegelapan, berkumpul
menjadi satu dan menibanmu dengan segala kenistaannya tanpa adanya bantuan dari
hal-hal yang membuatmu merasakan kepuasan akan kehidupan di dunia. Ya, siapapun
takkan tahan, sama seperti apa yang terjadi pada Akari.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Pagi hari, Akari ditemukan tak bernyawa dengan
luka sayatan yang sangat dalam di pergelangan tangannya. Sosoknya tergeletak
saat itu sungguh cantik dan khidmat, begitulah pikirku.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Jadi, apa yang dapat membuatnya melakukan hal yang
tak pernah dilakukan bahkan setelah beratus-ratus kali aku mengulang hal yang
sama? Bukan karena tidak adanya hal yang dapat membantunya mengangkat segala
keburukkan. Namun justru karena ia tahu akan adanya hal tersebut, tapi sadar
bahwa hal tersebut tidak membantunya mengangkat segala keburukan tersebut.
Ditinggalkan oleh sedikit perasaan positif yang membawa segala
perasaan-perasaan positif yang tersisa, maka yang tetinggal hanyalah perasaan-perasaan
negatif yang menjadi penarik hal-hal negatif yang menimpanya sampai saat ini.
Dengan kata lain, diriku sendiri.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku memang telah membenci dunia jauh sebelum itu,
tapi pada saat ini aku menyadari bahwa tidak ada dunia yang tersisa untuk
kubenci. Dan pada akhirnya, aku pun hanya dapat membenci diriku sendiri.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Sebuah penghapus jatuh ke lantai, melahirkan suara
kecil yang dapat menggetarkan hati. Aku tak menoleh ke suara tersebut dan tetap
menatap lapangan kosong lewat jendela kelas, mengacuhkan keduanya, guru yang
sedang mengajar dan suara benturan penghapus dengan lantai ubin yang mengiringi
jeritan hatiku. Itulah saat di mana aku berkenalan dengan Akari. Dengan hal
sepele seperti mengambilkan penghapusnya yang jatuh dan dengan hal sepele
seperti kata-katanya yang pertama kali kudengar dari mulutnya; “Terima kasih”.
Ya, sungguh hal yang sepele yang dapat mengubah hidupku selamanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="IN">Seperti yang dijanjikan, Akari tidak ingat apapun
tentangku. Siapa nama lengkapku, di mana alamat rumahku, kapan aku berulang
tahun, kenapa aku terlihat seperti tak mempunyai teman, bagaimana aku melihat
dunia, dan apa hubunganku dengannya. Dia tak ingat satu hal pun. Dia hanya
menjalani kehidupannya dengan normal layaknya gadis-gadis biasa tanpa adanya
diriku di sampingnya. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Ini semua untuk yang terbaik, ini semua untuk yang
terbaik, begitulah kata-kata yang berulang-ulang kali kuucapkan layaknya
seorang penyihir yang sedang melafalkan mantranya. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Musim-musim mulai berganti, waktu bergulir
kembali. Tahun pun mulai bergilir, dan sekarang aku sudah menjadi pelajar
SMA. Aku berjalan dengan santai sambil
memikul tasku dengan lesu. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Waktu pulang sekolah, anak-anak yang tak mengikuti
klub apapun segera beranjak pulang. Di seberang jalan, sekumpulan perempuan
sedang berbincang-bincang dengan suara yang kencang dan senyum bahagia
tertempel di wajah mereka masing-masing. Di arah yang lain, suara jangkrik
dengan merdu merasuk melalui telingaku. Salah satu dari perempuan-perempuan itu
pun menoleh dan berbalik badan untuk melihatku. Ia lalu berlari ke arahku tanpa
menghiraukan teman-temannya yang sedang tertawa. Tanpa melihat-lihat, ia
berlari ke arahku melewati jalan raya tersebut. *Tiiiiiiin* Ya, pada akhirnya,
tidak ada yang benar-benar berubah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="IN">Untuk apa aku hidup? Demi apa aku dilahirkan ke
dunia ini? Apakah hanya untuk menjadi alat pengisi kebosanan Tuhan? Apa itu
keajaiban? Apakah sesuatu yang seperti itu ada di dunia? Apakah benar-benar ada
orang yang pernah menyaksikan suatu keajaiban? Apa itu cinta? Apakah sesuatu
yang layak untuk dimiliki manusia? Apakah benar-benar ada orang yang telah
mendapatkan dan telah sepenuhnya mengerti hal tersebut? Apa itu kehidupan?
Apakah sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan takdir? Apakah takdir benar-benar ada di
dunia ini? Apa itu kehidupan? Apakah sesuatu yang telah ditentukan secara
ultimatum oleh Tuhan sehingga kita tidak bisa mengubahnya?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Pada akhirnya, hanya
waktulah yang aku dapatkan dengan menukar waktuku yang lain. Dan dengan waktu
yang kudapatkan dengan sia-sia tersebut, aku hanya dapat berpikir sambil
terjebak di dalamnya. Di tempat yang tak memiliki apapun kecuali waktu, aku mengorbankan
seluruh waktuku hanya untuk menyadari bahwa aku tak bisa mengembalikan waktu
yang telah terpakai dan hilang. Sebuah pelajaran, setidaknya itulah yang aku
pikir bisa aku dapatkan. Suatu keoptimisan yang tidak kumiliki sedari dulu.
Mungkin karena ada sesuatu yang membuatku harus berpikir seperti itu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Terperangkap dalam
waktu yang tak berjalan ke mana pun, aku hanya diam termangun memikirkan segala
hal yang terlintas dalam pikiranku. Semakin lama aku berpikir, semakin semuanya
menjadi tidak masuk akal. Tapi hanya berpikirlah yang dapat aku lakukan di
dunia yang hanya memiliki waktu seperti ini. Aku pun mencoba untuk menjadi
terbiasa dengan segala pikiran-pikiran dan ide-ide semu yang tak masuk akal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Terlarut dalam
bayang-bayang kasih sayang dan cinta, mati ketika kasih sayang dan cinta
tersebut direnggut dariku. Terbelenggu dan terhenti di dalam waktu yang
kubekukan oleh diriku sendiri, aku hanya dapat menghela nafas sambil mendengarkan
cerita tanpa suara dengan diriku sendiri sebagai pemainnya. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Sungguh sangat
disayangkan ketika mengetahui bahwa cerita di mana aku sebagai pemainnya
tersebut adalah cerita tragedi di mana tidak akan ada dunia di mana semua orang
berbahagia. Sungguh sangat disayangkan ketika mengetahui bahwa cerita di mana
aku sebagai pemainnya tersebut diakhiri dengan sesuatu yang bukan dengan akhir
bahagia layaknya cerita-cerita lain yang membuat iri atas penutupnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Membiarkan diriku
dipermainkan dan dijadikan alat penghibur tanpa memperhatikan perasaanku
sedikitpun, aku memaki diriku sendiri. Menari-nari di atas panggung sambil
mencari jalan keluar dari opera yang memuakkan, aku hanya dapat menemukan latar
baru untuk memulai adegan baru yang belum aku mainkan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Pada akhirnya, aku
hanya dapat duduk menonton semua rekaman tarian menyedihkan yang aku lakukan
sendiri. Merefleksikan kebodohanku yang mau diperalat oleh benang-benang tak
terlihat layaknya seorang boneka.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Tidak ada lagi dunia
bagi diriku, tidak ada lagi tempat bagi diriku. Semua yang kulihat di dunia ini
berubah menjadi satu-satunya yang hampir tak terpengaruh oleh waktu, yaitu
pecahan-pecahan yang tanpa disadari berkumpul menjadi satu membentuk gambar
pemandangan yang tak berhenti aku tatap walaupun aku telah muak berada di
depannya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0cm; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span lang="IN">Aku membenci diriku sendiri. Sekali lagi aku terus
berpikir, apakah keajaiban benar-benar sesuatu yang nyata di dunia ini? Atau
hanya aku saja yang tak berhak mendapatkannya di dunia sama sekali?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-13113380222497063922013-01-12T23:59:00.002-08:002013-01-12T23:59:23.375-08:00Prologue : Something That Does Not Exist<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Fate. The thing I hate the most.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>It was lunch break.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Fate. The word I don’t want to hear the most.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I didn’t have any
work to do.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Fate. The thing I don’t want to believe in the most.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I went upstairs, to
the roof.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Why? Isn’t it obvious?</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>It was my favorite
place.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Because I don’t want my life is controlled by such thing.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Like always, the door
to the roof was unlocked.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>If my life is controlled by something like a system, doesn’t that mean
I’m no different as robots?</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I opened the door.
The breeze was welcoming me.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>To me, fate is just a thing to be blamed by human.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>And then, she was
there.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>It’s just like a thing that was made by human. That’s why, I don’t want
to believe in fate.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I hadn’t ever met her
before, here.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>It’s irritating too, don’t you think?</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>But, when I got
there, she was there.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>To have our lives controlled.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I was entranced.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>To feel like our doings’ results have been decided.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>To the swinging
black-long hair.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Even before we were born, it had been decided.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>To the body that
looked so fragile.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>So, we’re just living the life that’s fated, already.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>To the sublime beauty.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>And not living as we will.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>She was just
standing, behind the fence</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>And to think our good results is just some parts of fate.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Watching to the
disgusting view of the world below, with sad-look on her face.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>I thought, “do our lives have meaning, to begin with?”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>And I was entranced,
unable to say anything.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Yes, fate is just a thing to be blamed.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Enjoying that
Goddess-like figure.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Because we can’t live our lives just like we want to.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Until then, she
turned and looked at me.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>That’s why we use fate to blame our uneasy feelings in life.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>With her beautiful
sparkling eyes.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>That’s why, again, I don’t want to believe in fate.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>She, then, smiled.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>That’s why, I hate the word fate.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>To think I had the
chance to see her smile. </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>But, to think all of my perceptions will be destroyed and changed.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>She, then, said…</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Because of that short encounter.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“Hi…”</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>RIDICULOUS.</i></b></div>
Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-17200538825804493202012-10-09T06:29:00.000-07:002012-10-09T06:30:08.796-07:00In a Slump?Is anyone alive out there?<br />
<br />
Long time no see. I mean really, really long time.<br />
The title actually sums it up. Maybe it's not like I'm in a slump, but I somehow managed to lose my passions.<br />
Yes, not even a single story I have actually is continued. No matter how hard I tried, words just wouldn't come up. Now, I really curse myself for that. <br />
*sigh* Even though I said I really wanted to be a writer. I still do, though. But, at this state...<br />
<br />
Well, there are some moments in life where you have to stop, I guess. The moments when you have to think about what you need to do, and what you will actually do in fact. Though, I think I'm thinking too much (oh the irony).<br />
Now I have many ideas, and unfinished stories. Too many, in fact. I have the ideas in my head, but somehow it just won't come up in words. Well, I'll try again later, though.<br />
<br />
I'm not saying that thinking is a bad thing. It's just when you're thinking, you are not actually doing anything at the moment. You stop, and you're thinking. But life is not all about thinking. Sometimes, you really need to live carefree.<br />
<br />
But, somehow I lost my passions to do anything. It's not like I'm living just to have fun. Heck, even when I'm trying to have fun, everything turns to be tasteless. That's when you lose passions to do anything. <br />
<br />
Now I look like a rambling child that lost his toys. I wonder when will I come to my sense again...<br />
See you later... at a not fixed time...Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-56051457918406284792012-04-07T07:37:00.001-07:002012-04-07T07:39:25.095-07:00Project #10 - Chapter 01<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> <w:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables/> 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Emphasis"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="21" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Intense Emphasis"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="31" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Subtle Reference"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="32" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Intense Reference"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="33" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Book Title"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="37" name="Bibliography"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center; font-weight: bold;" align="center">Chapter 01 : Humans, The World, Feelings</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center" align="center"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center" align="center">She was still alone. Nobody was still beside her. Even so, the story is not ended yet.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She took a small step on the cracking ground. She looked at the ground. There was a big gap in the ground. She raised her skirt until her thighs could be seen, took several steps back, and got herself ready. After taking a long, heavy breath, she began to run. She ran as fast as she could. Ignoring the heat her body emitting or the heat the earth was emitting, she ran with all of her might. She ran as fast as she could, with all of her might. What kind of achievement did she try to get by doing so? Even though the gap was big, it was still small enough for someone to jump over it by just wasting a little energy. Even though the gap was deep enough and dark enough to bury someone for eternity, still that someone could just jump over it with just a small effort. Why did she do that? She herself didn’t know about it. She didn’t know why did she want to do it. She was just doing so reflexively. She didn’t think about it, she just did so. Even so, what was the big deal, maybe. She was the one in that world. Nobody would complain about her doings. Because there was nobody besides her to begin with. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She ran as fast as she could. But suddenly, she stumbled upon a rock. A tiny rock she herself stepped on it. She fell to the ground. The scenery was in slow-motion. Her body second by second was tilted. Like flying in the air, she was falling forward, and of course to the ground also. Her clothes were swinging beautifully, following her figure that was nobly falling. Her eyes were wide open. She opened her mouth in surprise. She stretched her hands towards the ground so she wouldn’t fall dangerously. But due to her unluckiness, she was, in fact, falling into the gap. She was falling, like being sucked into the darkness, she was falling to the gap. She was threatened to be buried into eternity. She didn’t want it. She was afraid. She was afraid of dying. Even though dying and living in that world didn’t really have big difference between them, she was still afraid of dying. Again, she didn’t know why, she just didn’t want to die. She didn’t want to die.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Forcefully, she spun her body in the air. She stretched her hands with all of her might to reach the edge of the opposite ground. She opened her palms, and groped the edge while swinging her body vigorously. Then, she slammed her body into the wall of the gap. She groaned in pain. Her body was in an awful ache. It was painful for her, but she couldn’t do anything about it. The only thing she could do was to endure the pain. Slightly but surely, she raised her body. Despite being a girl, she was not really not athletic at all. At least, she was strong enough to pull herself in a condition like this. She raised her body, and got up as soon as possible. She wanted to get rid of the fear of hers the fastest she could. She didn’t want to die, that’s why. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She was on the opposite side of the ground, now. She made it. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>With the heavy breaths she was taking, she finally passed it. She finally passed the brink of the death. She felt a relief. A relief? Why did she feel a relief? Again, that is the unanswered question left on her mind. Just like the feelings from before, she realized that those feelings have many kinds. Not only when the wind brushed her face, or seeing the ugly scenery in front of her. But also the fear of dying, and the relief of avoiding the death. What was that? She thought to herself. She wanted to share it with someone if she could. But no, again, with whom could she share those feelings? She gave up the thought of sharing the feelings to anything else. She just would search the meaning of the feelings by herself, then. Even though it was lonely, it was the price she had to pay.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She got up on her feet. She then cleaned the dirt on her clothes, and looked around her. The scenery was still the same. Nothing had been changed. Of course it wouldn’t change by itself only with several seconds. In fact, maybe it wouldn’t change even for eternity by itself. She began walking on the ground. Walking towards something she realized. There was a building. The sign-board was saying “Libr***”. Yes, the sign-board was wrecked. She couldn’t read it fully, but at least she could guess what it was. It was a library. An abandoned library. A library without guests or librarians inside it. She then, attracted by her own curiosity, got in to the library.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Maybe books could teach her about those feelings she had continuously before. Because of course, books were made by other living-creatures besides her, by humans other than her. Even though she was not really sure. She still hoped that she could find anything about it. Even just a single clue, it would be a great help to her. Well, what else could she do? She had much time. She didn’t have works, she didn’t have to go to school, she didn’t have to do her home-works, she didn’t have to do her chores, she didn’t have to have a fight with her families or friends, she didn’t need to live... She didn’t even need to live...</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She got inside. The library was big enough to hold several hundreds of books. It had even two floors to hold some books. There were sections between shelves, History, Literature, Science, Social, and everything you could see in the library everywhere else. The library was in wrench, it was wrecked everywhere else, but at least there were still so many books that could be read. The light of the sun was piercing through the wrecked roof and illuminating the rooms inside. It was bright enough to read books there, at least. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She then went deeper to the shelf right in front of the entrance. She looked at several books in the shelf. She tried to skim through the books, and tried to pick some books. But, because there were so many books, she couldn’t even choose to begin with. She was bewildered. Which one of the books that could help her understanding the feelings she wanted to know? She didn’t know. So, with nothing in mind, she randomly picked one book she looked first, and opened it to the middle page of the book. There she saw foreign language with many scribbles. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She didn’t know what language it was. She didn’t understand, but she kept trying to read it. And in the end, as expected, it confused her to the most. She looked at the section she picked, it said “Foreign Books”. So that’s why she couldn’t read the book in there.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She went to the other section of the library. It was the History section. She carefully skim at the books again, but she couldn’t indicate what the books were discussing. So, again, she<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>randomly picked one book in the shelf. She carefully opened it, and read the first page. She realized the language. Finally, she could read at least a book in her language. She read the book from the first page, skimming fast through the pages.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was a story of World War II. The same as she knew. The Germany attacked Poland, Danzig to be precise. And then Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, Indonesia was freed, and else, and else. She then closed the book, adjusting her eyes, and went to the other section without putting the book back.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She went to the Social Study section. There were many thick books there, maybe even more than the History section had. They were discussing about Society, in other words, Humans. Why to understand humans, they needed to write books so thick? Wasn’t it easy to understand humans? Then, she thought about her feelings again. No, maybe not that easy, though. She couldn’t even understand herself. So maybe it was right to study humans even more. She took several books from the shelf without skimming it. She picked both the thick and the thin ones. She then went to yet another section in the library.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>“Literature” was what it said. She thought that maybe literature might be a good choice to know what is a human thinking. Humans are always thinking, and to not forget it, they put it in a medium where when they look at it, they would remember again. Whatever they are thinking. Philosophy, poems, histories, daily lives, stories they made. Everything they could think about. Humans like to put everything, so they could last forever. That is why, she thought she might found a good reference in those books. She picked several books again, and went to another section.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>“Fiction”. She thought that maybe she could find why was human imagining. She wanted to know why was human desiring. Why did human create a different world from the world s/he was in. Why did human wanted to be in another world, when they had his/her world alone. Maybe that was why she was here. She wanted to know too what she was thinking until this time. She wanted to know to what did she desire. Did she desire for wealth? Did she desire for power? Did she desire for everything in the world she could get? Yes, maybe yes. Because... she was in that world. In the world with nothing. Maybe because of her arrogance she got sent to that world. Whatever what it was... She didn’t remember. She didn’t feel anything about her desire. She just wanted to know, the feelings she had. She took several books again, and went to another section.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Next was psychology. The lesson that’s studying about humans’ mind. What were they thinking? Why were they thinking about it? How did they think about it? When did they think about it? Where could they think about it? With whom did they think bout it? Why did they want something? What should they do about their thinking, and else, and else. Again, she took several books from the shelf. The thick and the thin ones. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: .5in">In the end, she picked too many books that they were piled in her hands. She couldn’t even really see what in front of me because of the stack of the book. She carefully stepped on the floor made of wood, and went towards the chair and desk in the corner of the library, near the window. She put her books on the desk, took a seat, and finally opened the first book in the stack.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She read it fully with concentration. The first book she read was History. Again, she didn’t know why, she found it interesting. The stories of the world that happened in the past, they felt like some stories for her. She imagined about it. She could see them be filmed inside her head. She could imagine it. She could watch it by reading the book. She could be a player in that film. She could be the director of that film. Everything was just like a film to her. She could see the children were cheerfully playing at the peaceful times. Elders were leisurely taking a rest. Everything was so peaceful.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At that time, everything seemed so peaceful. But, that was the beginning. Next, she was imagining how Hitler ruled over Germany that time. How was the Pearl Harbor bombed that time. And the counter-attack from America that bombed Nagasaki and Hiroshima. She began to imagine about people dying. She imagined about the parents were separated from their children, and suddenly they were crushed and exploded in pieces by the bomb. How the soldiers were shooting each other. How they burned everything in sight. How they pierced anyone else body with sharp bamboo, bringing out their organs. How everything had been turned into ashes. How they were killing each other in the name of peace. How they were killing each other in the name of love. How they were killing each other in the name of God. Then, it ended. Nobody was alive. Every building was equal to the ground. Everything was left in brown-dust color. It was ugly. It was disgusting. It was sad. Then, she saw someone was getting up in the middle of that ruin. In the ruin that used to be a peaceful city. The girl was dirty with dust and dirt. Her hair was long and red. Her eyes were empty. She wore just like only a piece of cloth. Upon seeing it closer, she then realized, the image of the girl was her herself.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She came back to her sense. Her breathing was ragged. Sweat was all over her body. History was not good. History was not a happy thing. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. She didn’t want to read it again. She closed the book, and put it besides the stack of the books she took earlier. She then picked other book at the top of the stack, and opened the next book.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The next was about psychology. The study about humans’ mind. She then again read it with full of concentration. It discussed about how humans think. Even though the title was saying so, it was full of foreign words. But, fortunately, she could mainly know what they meant. Well, by thinking carefully about the words, that is. She was tired of following the subject. Because of that, her concentration was dissolved into the air. Then, she skipped page by page and stopped in a page where her eyes were attracted. It showed a picture of human’s head. A human besides her. Even though it was just a picture, she was still interested in it. She was absorbed into it. It was a boy. The picture was handsome. She was entranced by it. She touched the picture by her slender, beautiful right hand. Her hand was tiny. It seems so fragile. Carefully, she traced the picture by her hand. It was flat. It was cold, too. It was just a picture after all. It was just a picture drawn specifically on the flat and cold paper. It was a 2D being. It didn’t have warmth. She felt sad. She felt glad. She felt curious because of it. Seeing the other human being besides her. Seeing the other human being that was actually not exist in her world anymore. She wanted to find another. Maybe she could find a picture or more of human beings besides her. She skipped pages, and skimmed the book as fast as she could. But she couldn’t find another picture besides that picture. So, she decided to rip the page off from the book, and kept it in her waist pocket. She closed the book, and put it on the history book she read before.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She took yet another book at the top of the piled book. It was a novel. A book filled with a chronological story or two. Whether it was someone’s experience, or just one’s imagination. She opened the book and saw the title. It said “Beautiful Nightmare”. It was a romance. A love story between a couple. She was interested by it. She thought that by learning of a love story, she could understand more about love. And love is related to feelings, and by understanding about love, she hoped that she could understand about her feelings. She began to read the book. It was a fiction about the relationship of a boy and the girl. The boy liked the girl. But, there was something off about the boy. Whenever he was imagining or dreaming about the girl, he always got stuck in accidentally hurting her. Worse, he always saw the girl died in his dreams. Because of that, he ended up avoiding the girl for her well-being. The girl didn’t know about the boy’s feelings. But she felt awkward because the boy was always avoiding her. She was always striving to reach the boy. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She had dream that was contradicting the boy’s dream. Whenever she was dreaming, she always dreamed about being in dangerous situation where she would die every time. And whenever she was in the danger, she would always be saved by the boy in her dream. And because of that, she ended up striving to reach the boy. That’s weird, thought the girl. The boy was avoiding the girl because he liked her. His action was contradicting his own reason. That’s weird. If he really liked the girl, then shouldn’t he struggle to protect the girl, instead of running away by avoiding her? The girl, too. She knew that she might be in danger if she stayed near her. But instead of staying out of him, she was struggling to reach him. Weird, why were they so hypocrite? They wanted the positives, but their ways were the negatives. Was it because of love? She couldn’t understand it. She couldn’t understand about love. Love is so complicated. She was even more confused because of love. Rather than making her search easier, it became much too hard for her to comprehend. She decided to stop reading the novel. She closed the book, and put it on the psychology book.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She took another book again. A coverless book like the others. She opened it slowly, and looked at its content. Some words were placed abstractly. Some titles were in that book. They were some poems. She couldn’t understand what they meant. Of course, they were some poems, after all. They were the works of those who could describe their feelings with words. She thought that if feelings were easy to describe, she wouldn’t have a hard time understanding her own feelings. But, even though it was hard, she still kept trying to understand the meaning of the poems. Many of them were talking about love, so she got less passion than she had before. She skipped several pages, intending to find at least one poem that was not talking about love. Then, she found a poem among many, titled “The heaven above the sky, and the heaven below your feet”. Heaven? She had heard about it. It is a place where good mans are sent to be granted by very much wealth a human cannot obtain because of their deeds. The opposite of heaven is hell. It is a place where bad mans are sent to be punished by very much torture a human cannot bear because of their evil-doings. Then, she thought. Maybe this is hell? Maybe it was right that she was punished because of her evil-doings? Where is heaven, she wondered. “...Above the sky...below your feet” it said. She was not sure if it was right. She couldn’t see heaven through the clouds, neither she cold see heaven under the ground. She gave up. Maybe she really couldn’t find heaven, after all. Well, it was just merely a hope. But for her, in her case, a glimmer of hope was still counted as the thing that could change her life completely. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>She was tired. Every time she read a book, she always found something that was off-topic from what she was searching for –the meaning of her feelings. She let out a sigh, and looked outside the window. The sun is about to set. The light was barely enough to make her could read in that library. She closed the book, and put it again at the top of another stack. She took a book from the first stack of books, and carefully opened it. This was the last. She thought about finishing after this book. While carelessly browsing the book, she caught a glimpse of a text which attracted her.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">“A human is born alone, and dies alone. But, the fact that human can’t live alone is undeniable. A human cannot live by oneself. One needs other to live. One must needs other to be with oneself. Just like how Adam needed Eve, a human needs other to rid of one’s loneliness. Because solitary is unbearable to human. To share one’s feelings, to get help from another with one’s problem, to interact with, to communicate with. Human indeed needs to be with other in order to live. Maybe there are humans that could live by themselves. But in fact, that is just an act of selfishness. No matter how bad the human is, no matter how dire the situation the human is in, no matter how good, no matter how evil, no matter how strong, no matter how weak, no matter what, human needs other in order to live.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">One cannot live by oneself, because one is born alone, and will die alone, that’s exactly why one cannot live by oneself. To fill one’s emptiness. To fill one’s heart. One, needs other to become a human.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The light dimmed. It was dark inside the library. The girl was still sitting on the chair and staring blankly at the unreadable book. She was thinking. If one needs other to become a human, then she is not a human, then? She thought to herself. One needs to share one’s feelings, one needs to get help, one needs to interact, one needs to communicate. But... with whom could she share her feelings? With whom should she ask for help? With whom she could interact? With whom could see communicate? It’s unavoidable. She couldn’t help it by herself. She couldn’t even deny it anymore, if someone was saying if she was not a human. She couldn’t understand her feelings, she didn’t have anything precious she could share with another. She didn’t have anything. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Adam, you were alone, right? Before Eve was created, you were alone, right? What were you doing when you were alone? How could you be recognized a human before Eve was there?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s unfair. If you, after that, had Eve besides you, then why couldn’t she? Why was she alone in that world? Why was there nobody to be besides her? In that colorless world. She kept living even though she knew she wouldn’t really get anything. The same as you, right, Adam?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Oh, I see. If that’s the same, then that’s it, right? What she really needed to do, was only to keep living, right? I see. Even though they said that we always have a choice? No, maybe not in her case. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Then, she closed the book and put it away.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">She leaned to the chair, then began summarizing what she found on those books she read. History, humans are killing each other when they are loving each other. Psychology, didn’t really find anything besides a picture of another human. Novel, humans’ acts are sometimes contradicting with their wills or needs. Poems, didn’t really find anything besides humans cannot really describe their feelings with words. The last book, human cannot live alone, if a human does, it’s because of his/her selfishness. They didn’t help at all. Reading a book didn’t help her finding the meaning about her feelings at all. It was useless. Or was it? Was it really useless to read those books, after all?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The day was darkened. It was night time. She was still sitting in the library. She was still thinking about finding another way to understand the meaning of her feelings. When she was lost in thoughts, then she heard some loud noises. Grumbles, to be precise. She was hungry. She hadn’t eaten yet. She put her hand on her stomach. It really was her stomach that made some noises before. She then stood up and took a step to get out of the library. Surprising her, she stepped on wrecked floor, and fell down beautifully. She slammed her body against the floor, including her nose. It was hurt. She let out some tears from her eyes while touching her nose. Twice. She fell twice, this day, then. She stretched her hand to grab the desk to support her weight. When she finally was at half way, she then realized something was wrong. The desk was actually fragile. The wood had wrecked too. Surprising her, again, the foot of the table was cracking and finally wrecked in pieces. She fell down again when she was concentrating her weight to the table. She fell beautifully again. The books on the table, of course, fell too. While making some dull sounds, they fell right on the girl. She was then groaning cutely in pain. Not only fell down thrice, she was also struck by several thick books. Was she really this clumsy? While holding the pain on her back, she carefully stood up and stepped on the floor. Tattering, she walked out of the library to search for some foods to consume.</p>Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-14295168712247143962012-04-07T07:36:00.000-07:002012-04-07T07:37:28.031-07:00Project #10 - Prologue<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> 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mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center" align="center">Prologue : In The Middle of Nowhere</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl was alone.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">In the world where there was nobody.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl was sitting alone in the middle of nowhere.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">In the world where she couldn’t even see the reflection of her own figure.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl was hugging her knees and mindlessly staring at the orange sky.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">“This is the worst. This is the best. Which one is it?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl was reflexively muttering to herself.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Why did she say that?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Knowing that there was nobody to hear her.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Knowing that there was nobody to listen to her complaint.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Knowing that there was nobody... Besides her, why?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Why did she say those words?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Why did she keep on muttering those berates?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even so knowing the meaningless efforts, she kept on complaining.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">She kept on saying her minds until they were evaporated and dissolved into the sky.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Everything was meaningless.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Everything was unreasonable.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Everything didn’t have any value anymore to her.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even so, if they were the same, it didn’t matter that if she did something, even the smallest thing, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl didn’t need to say anything,</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl didn’t need to do anything,</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl didn’t need to think about anything,</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl... didn’t need to feel anything.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl... didn’t need to hope for anything.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The girl... didn’t need to live anymore.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even so... Even so... In the middle of that nowhere. Even she didn’t need to have anything, if she could, it didn’t matter if she did, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even if the girl didn’t need to say anything, it didn’t matter if she kept on talking, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even if the girl didn’t need to do anything, it didn’t matter if she kept on dilly-dallying, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even if the girl didn’t need to do anything, it didn’t matter if she kept on spacing off, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even if the girl really didn’t need to feel anything, it didn’t matter if she kept on blaming, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even if the girl really didn’t need to hope for anything, it didn’t matter if she kept on wishing, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even if...</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Even if the girl really didn’t need to live, it didn’t matter if she kept on living, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">And then, the girl stood up. She cleaned her beautiful and frilly clothes that had clinging onto her body from the start. She sighed, a sigh full of tiredness. She looked around. There she saw nothing. A crumbled and destroyed city filled with nothing. The buildings had become ruins. The earth had been scorched. The air had been dirtied. The trees had dried, turned into ashes. There were many cracks on the ground, filled with darkness. There was nothing. Literally, there was nothing. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Even so... Again... Even so knowing there was nothing for her, she kept on living. Even there was nothing she could do about it, even there was nothing she needed to do in that nothingness, she kept on living. Besides nothing, in the middle nothing, thinking of nothing, filled with nothing.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">“Now then... What should I do?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">While placing both of her hands on her waist, she whispered a little hope to her own ears. She knew that she didn’t need to do anything. Yet, she still somehow wanted to whisper that little sentence. She still somehow wanted to hear that voice of her own.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The wind blew towards her. While bringing only a little dust, the wind brushed against her face. She closed her eyes, then she took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. The wind satisfied her. She didn’t know how could that wind somehow satisfied her. She felt nothing special, yet she didn’t feel nothing at all. She wanted to know. She just wanted to know, were there any other winds like from just now? If so, then could they satisfy her again like the wind just now? Or... are there any other things that could satisfy here like the wind just now?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">And the most important, why did she feel satisfied just now?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Slowly and gently, she opened her eyes again. She looked at that orange sky, at the dying sun. Again, she felt satisfied. Just by looking at even the dying sun. Just even by looking at the ugly scenery, she felt satisfied by it. Again, she thought about it. If only... If only there were more feelings just like now, then... Then at least... At least, could she smile again in that world. In that world in the middle of nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If only there were more feelings just like now, then could she know the meaning of those feelings just now?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">She didn’t know. She was not so sure about those things. But, well, what kind of things could she do besides that? What kind of things that had more urgent matter besides that? At least, this thing piqued her interest. At least, she finally had something she needed to do. Then what was the matter? That was no problem with wanting to do something, even in this empty world. In this world with emptiness. In this world filled with nothingness. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">At least, she was alive...</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">That was what she thought.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">And then, she began to take a small step. She raised her right leg ever slightly making her clothes fluttered. She was curious. She needed to know what was that feeling. Even though it might sound unimportant to anyone else, but there was no one else besides her right now. So what was the big deal? Then, she slowly, and firmly lowered her right leg. While looking at nothing, hearing nothing, while feeling nothing, she took a small and definite step forward...</p>Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-40725865263131793802011-11-12T03:28:00.000-08:002011-11-12T03:30:12.635-08:00A Marble For Daughter, A Marble For Dear Friend<div class="mbl notesBlogText clearfix"><div><p>Is anyone alive out there?</p><p>Finally, I can update this again.. This is a little late, actually..<br /></p><p>So, now, this is a story again..<br /></p><p>Once again, actually, this is my english ass...ignment</p><p>give it a try, let out your opinion..</p><p>Thanks,,</p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">A Marble For Daughter, A Marble For Dear Friend</span><br /></span></p><p><strong>“The world is cruel.”</strong></p><p><strong>Yes, that was what I thought when I was a child back then. Everyday I was abused by my father. With many excuses, he hit me here and there. My mother had done many things to stop him, but it seemed just a vain. In a night, my father was drunk. My mother scolded him and they went into a fight. My father was impatient. He took a knife from the kitchen, and stabbed my mother. She killed my mother and ran away. I was put on care by my mother’s relatives, but soon after, a mafia organization came, killed my uncle and my aunt, and took everything they could. Seemed like my father had illogically huge debt to them, and he hadn’t repaid them. I was beaten, and they dumped me in the street. Blood was dropping, making the snow became red. I was hopelessly wandering around the city, with many eyes were staring with disgust at me. At a point, I saw a big house standing in the middle of the city. It was a very luxurious house. “What kind of people living in there? They must eat delicious meal everyday. As for me… Is God blind, after all?” As I made those thoughts, I collapsed in front of the gate of the house. “Hey… Hey…” A soft voice called for me. As I couldn’t hold my tire anymore, everything went black. “Is this my end?”</strong></p><p><strong> I opened my eyes, and I saw the little girl was in front of me, staring at me from above with anxious looking face. “Ahh… You woke up!” She said with happy little face. Apparently, I was brought in after I collapsed. The little girl was sitting beside me. Her hair was purely blonde, matching the blue eyes she had. Her figure was so sublime, her face was noble. Truly a beautiful girl at around my age. “My name is Alicia. You can call me Alice, if it’s hard to say. What’s yours?” Suddenly, she introduced herself. “Ahh… My name is Takumi.” I answered. “Where are your parents, Takumi?” She asked. “My parents? They… They are gone far away.” She was surprised. Then, she looked at me with pitying eyes. It pierced my heart, and I hated it. Until then, she suddenly said, “How about living here?”</strong></p><p><strong> Maybe it was fate brought us together. Or… Maybe not. She lost her parents when she was still a baby. The only thing she had was a marble. A small, old marble, proving the bond she had with her parents. And she was living with her servants. She was taken care by them. Every necessary was given by her uncle, but she was still living alone in that big house. She let me live in that big house. I didn’t know how should I feel, back then. A part of my heart said that I should be happy, but as my mind had forgotten the term of ‘happiness’, I remained expressionless. They bought me luxurious clothing, giving me delicious meals everyday, even proper education. “What are they doing? What kind of profit will I give to them, if they are doing this? What are they thinking?” Is what I was thinking back then. Money was everything. Money was the one that took everything away from me, money was the one that killed my mother, money was the one that gave me no reason to live. So why? Why were they doing this even though they knew that I couldn’t give anything in return to them? </strong></p><p><strong><p> One day, Alice forced me to come out. We went to the garden, and found a bird. The bird was lying on the ground. Its wing was hurt badly. I looked at Alice, she was trembling and surprised. All of sudden, she rushed to the bird and took it in her hands. “Takku, could you bring me first-aid kit pack?” she asked me. “Why?” I said. “Why? To take care of this bird, of course.” She replied. “Why? What would you gain after taking care that bird?” Yes, I was spouting nonsense. “Ehh?” She was shocked and bewildered. “It is just a bird. Taking care of that bird wouldn’t let you gain any profit, would it? It just lost its hopes to fly. Why don’t you understand? The best thing and its last salvation is definitely to die! Why? Just like you who picked me on the ground? Why did you bring me in? Why are you letting me to live? What kind of profit would you gain?!” I shouted while looking at the ground gloomily.</p>*SLAP!!!*</strong></p><p><strong>A loud sound was roaring to the sky. I was slapped. By her small and fragile hand. Hurt. Not my cheek, nor my soul. Rather, I had an anxious feeling inside my chest. Blood was flowing a lot faster than before. My eyes were wide open. “What are you saying?!! Profit, profit, profit!! Do you think I’m only thinking about profit?!?! The world is not only about money!! I know you may have lonely past, but why are you just taking it the wrong way?!! It lost its hopes to fly?!?!! Dying is only its last salvation?!?!” She yelled at me while crying. Her voice was loud. Louder than anybody could expect coming from a little girl in front of me. Her tears were pouring down, as a rain that was falling down onto the ground. “Look at its eyes, Takumi. Even though what you’ve said is true, that it has lost its hope. Still, don’t you think that it’s still asking for someone to give it hope? Just like when I found you back then. With that lonely eyes of yours, staring at the black and starless night, full of emptiness. And I know, that you’re still begging for someone to give you hopes. That’s why, even if it has lost its hopes, is it a wrong thing to give it hopes that it’s asking for…? Is it that wrong to give someone what one needs without wanting something in return…?” She said softly. She swept her tears, and went into the house. After staring at the ground emptily, I followed her, and found her while struggling to clean the bird’s wound. “I… I brought the first-aid kit pack. Do… Do you mind if I help you taking care of the bird?” I asked her nervously. She was surprised, her mouth was opened for a while. Then, she smiled brightly and said, “Um!! I don’t mind.”</strong></p><p><strong> After that, I spent my days mostly with her. Playing with her, studying with her, fooling around, taking an adventure, everything. I know I was just a child back then, but still, I could feel it. The warmth she spread around the world. The brightest smile that only she could show. The joy of having my time with her. I finally obtained my smile again. The smile I had lost in that night.</strong></p><p><strong> “Even if it’s just a dream, I don’t want it to end.” I thought. Until the day, I woke up from those beautiful dreams.</strong></p><p><strong> It was rainy season. Alice was staying at the bed all the time. She said that she was okay. But, after I asked her butler, I found out that she had the same illness as her mother had that made her mother died. I didn’t know what to do. I was just visiting her room everyday, and played with her. She was smiling and laughing with joy, so I didn’t think of anything than keeping doing that.</strong></p><p><strong> That day was Alice’s birthday. I was outside to buy a present to her. When I was going home, “Takumi… You’re Takumi, right…?” I met my father. He just found me. He embraced me and asked me many things, such as how was I, where was I living. After telling him many things, he just said it. He asked me to live with him again. He begged me I was bewildered. I didn’t know what to feel. I just didn’t feel right. He was the one who left me, yet he’s still my father. After giving me some times to think, he left.</strong></p><p><strong> I went back and told Alice what happened. And how I was feeling, too. I was confused. Deep in my heart, of course I want to be with my family again. But, to think, he had done many terrible things to me.</strong></p><p><strong> “No, Takku. Dump that piece of crap.” She said coldly while staring at outside the window. It was raining. “Cr- But, Alice, he’s still my parent!” I tried to defend him. “Parent?! That thrash is the one who dumped you, Takku!! Why don’t you understand?!! Why are you still acting stupid until now?!?!” She shouted at me. Surprised, I threw her my tantrum. The moment… Of the biggest mistake in my life. “What?! Just because you don’t have parents anymore—!!“ “Takumi!!!” Soon, I covered my mouth with hand realizing my own foolishness. She glared at me. The coldest glare I’d ever had. “Fine, Takumi… Do as you want! Get out of here!” She shouted and turned around. I was shocked. I was bewildered. Confused. Angered. Depressed. Every little feeling was mixed up in my heart. Gloomily, I went out of the house.</strong></p><p><strong> Again, I wandered hopelessly around the city. It was raining. My clothing was soaked. I stumbled many times, but I got up every time I stumbled. Weird. Why did I not get up in front of that gate, back then? At an alley, I decided to take a rest with a roof of a shop became my shelter. In front of me, a beggar was sitting while trying to warm himself. With weak voice, he started to talk to me. “What are you doing here, kid?” he asked me. “I… Ran away from home…” I replied. “Get back, kid! Kids these days… You don’t know what you have until you lose it, kid! Don’t wait until you regret it!” </strong></p><p><strong> “—He’s right… What am I doing?!” I thought. I hadn’t even said happy birthday to her. I hadn’t even given the present I bought to her. I ran to the house and called her. “Alice!! Alice!!” But she didn’t reply me. I asked her butler, but it seemed he didn’t know, too. Every single person didn’t know where she was. I was getting impatient. She was sick, it was raining outside. I decided to go out to search for her. I ran as fast as I could, and searched all the places I could think of. And finally, I found her lying on the ground, poured by rain. “ALICE!!” I shouted her name. I came closer, and looked at her. “Ta…kumi…? I was searching for you… I’m… I’m sorry…” She said faintly while looking up at me. “I’m sorry I said those mean words.” “No!! It’s me who’s at fault! I’m sorry! I’m the one who threw mean words to you, Alice!” I said while holding her in my hands. “Still, I shouldn’t have said that, too. I, just want you to be happy. You’re the only one I have, right now. That’s why. That’s why even for a bit, I want to make you happy. I don’t want you to be sad anymore. Just like the moment I found you in that snowy night. But, now you have many sparkles inside your eyes, Takumi. The sparkles I’ve been yearning, yet I couldn’t achieve. The sparkles that make me admire you. The sparkles that are shining so bright and I couldn’t help but staring at you. I don’t want you to lose it again.” She said forcedly. “What… Are you talking about, Alice…? You said too many things a kid cannot understand.” I smiled bitterly. “Hahaha… Guess, that’s it… Live, Takumi… For the hopes I gave to you. For the first time, I may be egoist. Just, live… Give as many hopes as you can to others.” She said while giving something to me. “This… Is a marble my parents gave to me, as a memento. My parents’ and my hopes are with you, now, Takumi… Live with hopes, keep your sparkles.” </strong></p><p><strong> Three days later, she stopped breathing. “I still haven’t said happy birthday.” I was left hopelessly again. We had the mourning ceremony soon. There, I was staring at her photo emptily, until— I remembered something. I searched in my pocket, and I took—Two marbles. A marble she gave to me. And a marble I wanted to give to her. The marble that’s filled with her parent’s and her hopes. And the marble that’s filled with my hopes. The marble that’s proving the bond between her and her parents. And the marble that’s proving the bond between her and me. </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> Yes, until now, at a certain date, her birthday, I’m always holding those marbles up, and smile while saying, “Happy Birthday, Dear Alice! I’m still living and full of hopes! How about it? I… Still haven’t lost my sparkles, right?”</strong></p></div></div>Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-31747038540915195042011-10-29T04:47:00.000-07:002011-10-29T05:38:24.404-07:00DreamIs anyone alive out there?<br /><br />Hi... Long time no see.<br />It's me again, posting about something in my life.<br />For now, in this post, I want to talk about my dream.<br /><br />I just realized it. My "Real" Dream.<br />Once, I decided that I want to be a writer, because I want to be remembered.<br />This might be cliche, but to think, I might just...<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">I... Want to live forever.</span><br />Yes, just like villains in comic books or cartoons, I actually want to live forever.<br />But, not that kind of infinity life they want.<br />In comic books, they want to live forever as human, and to get in God's Territory.<br />But, that's... Tough. Quite impossible, if I have to say.<br />What I want, is to live in any kind of shape in this world.<br />You know what I mean?<br />Just like to live as a memory in one's mind.<br />Or to live as a word in a book.<br />Or to live as a scratch in a picture.<br />Or to live in a shape, in my own world.<br /><br />Maybe that's the main reason I want to be a writer, actually.<br />To leave a single fragment of me in this world to be remembered by others.<br />To live as another shape in this world.<br />To create my own world, where I can actually live there as another being.<br /><br />Muhammad, Isa, Einstein, even Hitler had done it (though Hitler did it wrong, but you have to admit that he did it). Really long time before I was born.<br />They had reached that kind of world. They are now living in another shape in this world.<br />I know this is big, but, don't they say having a big dream is the start of having a big future?<br />Don't they say having a big dream is a good thing to begin with?<br /><br />Yes, to think about it, this really is my dream.<br />To live forever in any kind of shape.<br />Hahahaha... I may be wishy-washy, but I really want to live forever by doing something BIG in this world.<br />BIG enough to change people's mind.<br />BIG enough to move people's heart.<br />BIG enough to... even be remembered by God as a being that exists in the world He created.<br /><br />Tough... Really tough...<br />But, there's a way...<br />I can think a way.... I know I can think a way...<br />One thing is by words...<br />I will create words that will be the sign of my existence...<br />Words that will do everything to make my dream comes true...<br />Words that will describe me as who I am, and words that will change me into another kind of creature in a world...<br />To be a writer...<br /><br />Or by actions...<br />Something that will change the world.<br />Something that will make me remembered as "Somebody" in this world.<br />Something that even God will accept my existence.<br /><br />Yes, I want to live forever.<br />As long as Devil can live.<br />Or even longer.<br /><br />Yes, I want to live forever.<br />In a future where I'm not in.<br />But still exist there.<br /><br />Yes, I want to live forever.<br />As different things, as different existences, as different creatures, as different shapes, as different presence,<br />As a different.<br />Even though...<br />I'm not even aware of it.<br /><br />...<br /><br />Is anyone alive out there?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">"My Dream?<br />I want to live forever."</span></span></span>Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-30104571972206027422011-09-23T08:04:00.000-07:002011-09-23T08:11:30.054-07:00Jessica and Adam (My Versions)Is anyone alive out there?<br /><br />This time, I will present you some stories.<br />Actually, this was an assignment from my teacher, and I finished it.<br />But, due to I don't really have anything to do, I made some other versions of the story.<br /><br />This was taken from the book "English in Mind *Student's Book 3" written by Herbert Puchta and Jeff Stranks, with Richard Carter and Peter Lewis-Jones.<br /><br />So... Here is the story.<br /><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><u>Original Short Ver.</u></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""> </b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style="">Jessica and Adam met five years ago. She was working in London. One day she saw him. He was a university student, but was doing a summer job. He had come to the place where she was working.</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style=""> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style=""> </span>As Adam was leaving, he left a little message next to Jessica’s computer. Jessica phoned him and they met the same evening. Adam and Jessica liked each other a lot. One day a terrible thing happened. Jessica was hit by a car. </b>She was Badly hurt. Six months later Jessica was OK again. Adam had helped her a lot.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">Heart-Touching Ver.</span></u></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span>Jessica was hit by a car. She was badly hurt. After the accident, she was taken to the big hospital in London. She was bandaged here and there. She was in a very, very bad state. And the worst, she was paralyzed. She can’t move at all, even just a finger of her. She could see, she could hear, she could taste, she could touch, she could breathe, but she couldn’t do anything than those. She couldn’t even talk. Yes, that is the state she was in.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span>Adam was talking to the doctor, asking about Jessica’s condition. The doctor said “Please, just continue to support her. Whether she will become fine again or not, it’s up to her. It’s about her mental, too. Just, make her feel comfortable. Either body, or her mind”.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span>Adam came to the room where Jessica was. Looking at the unmoving Jessica, his heart was badly hurt, too. It’s like a thousand needles are piercing his heart at the same time.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span>He got closer to Jessica, with a smile in his face. “Hi, Jess! How are you? Silly me who’s asking that. I’m sorry. So…”, he was saying while holding up his tears. “Get well soon, okay! So we can go out there again! Having fun, together… Enjoying the cool breeze, eating the unhealthy foods like junk-foods, and the other things we always do. Please, just please have fun again with me!” he said to Jessica. Trying to cheer her up, and to make her comfortable.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">And so, Adam was constantly visiting her, and kept on cheering and talking to her. “Hi, Jess! You know, something funny happened at the college!”, “Hi, Jess! My football team won the friendly match!”, “Jess! Jess! You know, they got the surprise party for me because of the match I told you before!” was what, Adam saying all the time with cheerful face. Even though he was really holding on. He kept trying to make her feel better, with telling the happy stories he had.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span>Jessica was glad, and sad, too. She was glad because there was someone beside her. She was not really lonely because Adam was with her. But, she was sad, too. She wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. Even crying was impossible for her. And she felt to be blamed. Because Adam was there for her, and she thought that it would waste his times. “He has his own life. He’s even still a university student. He has to study, prepare his script, and graduate. It’s my fault, isn’t it? Because of me. It’s like I am the one who’s ruining his life, isn’t it? He’s so gentle. He kept visiting and talking to me even though he know I can’t do anything to response him. What should I do? I don’t want it. I don’t want it to be like this. Should I give up on Adam? Yes, I have to. I can’t sacrifice Adam for my own goodness. I can’t be selfish.“ was what in her mind all the time when she was seeing Adam’s cheerful and sad in front of her.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span>One day, just like others, Adam was visiting Jessica again. He was, again like always, telling his stories and cheering her up. But, suddenly, he lowered his head, and went sulking. He then said, “Jessica. Why don’t you get better, already? Just so you know, I’m saying this not because I’m giving up. But, please, get better. Don’t be in this state for longer. I miss you, Jessica. I miss the old you. The moment when you smiled at me, the moment when you were surprised. I miss those old times we spent. Why? Why don’t you get better? Is it because you think I’m ruining my life? I’m wasting my time? Is that what you think, Jessica? I know you can hear me. That’s enough, Jessica. You don’t need to respond. It’s just, please keep hearing me, Jessica. Because when there exists the you who listens to me, that’s enough. That’s enough to be the bond between us. And I keep talking to you, it’s not like I’m wasting my time, once again. I’m doing it because of my own will Jessica. It’s because my affection towards you, Jessica. You… You are my most important treasure, Jessica. My love for you is genuine. So please, don’t blame yourself. I won’t give up. So, don’t give up, okay?”. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Yes, that is the thing he said. With a teary eyes, smiling and cheerful smile on his face. He said those words. Perfectly, innocently, from the deepest part of his heart. And he read it. He read her mind. He understood her. He could feel what Jessica is feeling. Yes. That’s Adam.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Jessica heard it. Her eyes were wide open. She couldn’t respond, but… She… Cried. For the first time after the accident, she finally cried. Even though crying was impossible for her, Adam’s words are touching her heart. Gently, there came warmth and wrapping her heart. Making her tears pouring out from her eyes. She couldn’t make even a sound, but she really did cry. She was still not moving, but that’s it. She couldn’t hold it anymore. She wanted to cry for a long time, but this time, she was not crying because of what she wanted to cry for. She was crying, because of something she wanted from the purest part of her heart. Yes, to be filled with happiness. To be filled with Adam’s feeling.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><u><span style="font-family:Arial;">Horror Ver.</span></u></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Jessica was hit by a car. She was hurt. After the accident, she was taken to the big hospital in London. And Adam was worried about her.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Adam asked the doctor about her condition. The doctor said “It’s okay. She’s not that bad. She just needs to rest for some times. But, there’s something I’m worried about. It’s about her head. I don’t know. The results of the check-up is fine. But, my instinct as doctor, I feel something’s wrong. Please, keep her well”. And because of that, Adam became worried, too. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Adam was visiting her, time by time. But, there was something wrong with Jessica. Even though, she was up, and sitting on his bed, she didn’t say anything and just sat silently there. While lowering her head, there came gloomy aura from her. Adam was worried, and scared. He didn’t want something bad to happen to Jessica. So, he stayed by her side and trying to keep her.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">One day, Adam was peeling an apple. “Adam, could you buy me some bottled mineral water?”, she asked Adam, while still lowering her head. Adam went out to buy what she asked, and came back with it. When he’s opening the door, he heard something from Jessica. Like chanting, murmuring. “The voice can’t stop. It can’t be stopped. Why? Noisy. It’s so noisy. I can’t take it. I can’t take it. I can’t take it.<span style=""> </span>I can’t take it”. Suddenly, she looked at Adam with wide opened eyes, then said “Adam… Help me… The voice is so noisy… Please, stop it… Stop it… Stop it!! Stop it!! I can’t take it!! I can’t take it!!”. Adam was surprised because of her loud voice. He’s dumbfounded. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Until then… “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” Jessica yelled. And Adam realized, something was stuck on his chest. He looked down, and he saw Jessica was there. She was holding a knife. A knife he was using earlier to peel the apple. It was stabbed, and stuck to his chest, near his heart. It was happened in an instant. Jessica took out the knife, and stabbed it to Adam’s chest.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">“Jessica?” He let out his voice. Jessica didn’t hear it. Or you can say, she couldn’t hear it. She couldn’t hear anything anymore. Her eyes were black, as black as the starless night. Black, but looked so beautiful. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Jessica took out the knife from Adam’s chest, making Adam yelling because of the pain. But, he couldn’t do anything in that bewilderment. And because love he had towards Jessica. Jessica seemed to not care. After taking out the knife, once again she stabbed it to Adam’s body. No, it was not once again. She took it out again, then stabbed it again. Took it out, stabbed it, took it out, stabbed it. The blood was spurting out from Adam’s body. Making he himself, and Jessica stained by his blood. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Adam couldn’t do anything. He was powerless. He couldn’t think of anything. His brain had stopped working. And, he fell on the floor, drenched with his own blood. Lifeless. Adam died… By Jessica’s hands. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Jessica realized. She was surprised, seeing Adam lying on the floor without life. “What did I do?” was what she was saying. She was surprised, sad. Then, she cried. She cried. With sadness overflowing, she cried her heart. She was crying, but voiceless. The tears were pouring down. Making some little sounds of drops. Until then, “KYAAAA!!!”. There was a nurse standing in front of the room with the opened door. Jessica’s room. The room where Adam’s body was lying. She realized the nurse. She quickly moved her hand, and then… SLASH!! Bloods were spurting out from the nurse’s white neck, making Jessica more drenched in blood. Jessica cut it. Jessica cut the nurse’s neck. With the tears still flowing, she cut it. The nurse that before was screaming, had become silent. She fell on the floor, with the blood still coming out from her beautiful neck.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">She then realized it again. That she killed her. She killed the nurse without thinking. There were two corpses in the hospital. She couldn’t think of anything again. She couldn’t take it. All she could do, was listening to the voice. She took it. The sensation of killing people. The sensation of taking people’s lives. The sensation she couldn’t feel everyday. It was sad, but… It felt so good, too. That was what in her mind. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"> </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Thirty minutes later, polices came to the hospital. Someone called them to come. The police received a phone where there were many people screaming. So, they came there in hurry. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">They are in front of the entrance of the hospital. While holding a gun, one of them opened the door, and they see… Jessica in a blood-bath. There were corpses everywhere. The receptionists, doctors, nurses, patients, everyone had died because of her. With just that single knife she was holding. Nobody… Nobody was still living in there.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style=""> </span>She just sat there, in front of the entrance, while covering her eyes with her hands. There were tears. The tears from the first time. The tears when she killed Adam. They were still there. The tears were not dried yet. </span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">She’s voiceless. The cops were going closer. But, then she took her knife, and stabbed the heart of one of the cops. Without giving him a chance to pull up the trigger of his gun, she once again killed a person. The other cop then shot her. He got her in the stomach. But it wasn’t stopping her. She then once again ran to the cops, and killed two cops instantly by cutting their neck. The others furiously then shot her. While the others were shooting her, the other one was calling for enforcements through radio in her car outside the hospital. He was calling from outside his car, and sometimes looking back, seeing his friends were killed by the unstopped Jessica. But when he was talking, and looked back again, Jessica was there, and then stabbed his back. He turned around while falling to the ground, and with the final power he had, he then shot her at her heart.</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><b style=""><span style="font-family:Arial;">Jessica felt it. The pain of being shot at the heart. She then fell on the ground.</span></b><b style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;" ><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;" >Some minutes later, more cops came to the hospital. But, what they found, were just the corpses of cops. They didn’t found a woman's corpse that was holding a knife and drenched in blood. </span></b></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><br /></p>Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-8798439103239168132011-08-03T06:11:00.000-07:002011-09-10T16:00:19.858-07:00Poems by Frederica BernkastelIs anyone alive out there?<br /><br />First of all, who is Frederica Bernkastel?<br /><br />~~~<br /><p><i><b>Frederica Bernkastel</b></i> (Frederika Berunkasuteru) is a mysterious character, appearing only once in person in <i>Higurashi no <span style="color:red;">Na</span>ku Koro ni Kai</i>, in the last episode of <i><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Matsuribayashi-hen" title="Matsuribayashi-hen">Matsuribayashi-hen</a></i>. There she speaks to a young <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Takano_Miyo" title="Takano Miyo">Takano Miyo</a>, as she now enjoys travelling to different worlds and playing with the "pieces" in them. Frederica looks very similar to <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Furude_Rika" title="Furude Rika">Furude Rika</a>, and it has been suggested she and Rika are either the same person, or she is a compilation of all the past Rikas who died. This is implied in Matsuribayashi-hen that when talking about Rika she refers to Rika has "I" or "me". </p><p>There is also a theory that states that Frederica was born from Rika's despair, hopelessness, and loss of interest in breaking fate after <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Tsumihoroboshi-hen" title="Tsumihoroboshi-hen"><i>Tsumihoroboroshi-hen</i></a>, since in the sound novels, Frederica tells the reader, "Eventually, she started giving up, and lost interest in those worlds. That's how I was born...". If this is true, it also relates to Bernkastel of Umineko. This would directly explain Bernkastel's declaration of being a separate person from Rika, Bernkastel's empty eyes (a.k.a. loss of humanity, she has no glint or life in her eyes), and her (ironic) title as the "Witch of Miracles" (Bernkastel says that she is named the "Witch of Miracles" because she is the only one who truly knows that miracles cannot occur out of the blue by mere praying ((this concept is proven by <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Maebara_Keiichi" title="Maebara Keiichi">Maebara Keiichi</a> in <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Minagoroshi-hen" title="Minagoroshi-hen"><i>Minagoroshi-hen</i></a>)), while Rika used to immaturely keep praying for miracles to come her way without taking action). Either way, she and Rika have a close relationship. </p><p>There is a possibility that Frederica was involved in putting Rika through the <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Saikoroshi-hen" title="Saikoroshi-hen">terrible fate of a perfect world</a>. When she appears for her first (and only) time in Kai and meets the younger version of Takano Miyo, she asks Takano whether she wants to "live or die"; Takano first tells Frederica that she wants to live, so Frederica told her, "You may go to your friend's house. However, she will not be there." Upon hearing this, Takano changes her mind and says she wants to die, so Frederica tells her to go follow her parents, so Takano can earn another flag from a mall restaurant to add to her collection. The "live or die" part may have meant if Takano wanted to "live" a new life as Miyo Takano, or let that identity "die" and stay as Tanashi Miyoko. Takano says she wants to "die", so she continues on to the mall with her parents. It is revealed in the last episode of Kai that Takano and her parents boarded a different bus than the one fated to crash. Thus, Takano and her parents are not led to their deaths, Takano does not change her name to "Takano" or ever meet Hifumi, which may have been a trigger to the perfect world where the Irie Clinic is never established, Tokyo never involves itself in Hinamizawa, and none of the characters suffer any tragedies. <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Saikoroshi-hen" title="Saikoroshi-hen"><i>Saikoroshi-hen</i></a> could possibly be that world where Frederica stepped into, and could also be interpreted as Bernkastel experimenting a fate where she got rid of Lambdadelta's major piece (Takano) beforehand as a pre-emptive move to create a desired heaven for Rika (of course, even so, things don't happen as nicely as expected for her). </p><p>In the Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Rei novel <i><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Saikoroshi-hen" title="Saikoroshi-hen">Saikoroshi-hen</a></i>, Rika uses the name 'Frederika Bernkastel' for the first time, in order to distinguish herself from the 'Rika' of that world. However, at the end of the novel she undestands the meaning of <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Hanyuu" title="Hanyuu" class="mw-redirect">Hanyuu</a>'s power, and gives up on it, choosing to go back to being just 'Furude Rika', a normal girl with no powers. She also said that the part of her who lived for 100 years and pulled the strings of fate—Frederika Bernkastel—will continue to exist in an higher world. In <i>Higurashi</i>, she writes <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Poems_by_Frederica_Bernkastel" title="Poems by Frederica Bernkastel">poems</a> that appear at the beginning of every arc, though they are absent in the anime and therefore many people have never heard of them. Her poems give the over-all theme for the upcoming story and document Rika's struggle through the different worlds. It is shown in the manga at the start of <i><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Minagoroshi-hen" title="Minagoroshi-hen">Minagoroshi-hen</a></i> that Frederica meets Rika in the world of kakera, where they discuss the three rules that constantly appear throughout the universes: </p> <ul><li><b>Rule X: </b>A random person in <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Hinamizawa" title="Hinamizawa">Hinamizawa</a> succumbs to <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Hinamizawa_syndrome" title="Hinamizawa syndrome" class="mw-redirect">Hinamizawa syndrome</a> and is driven to acts of violence by extreme levels of paranoia. <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Maebara_Keiichi" title="Maebara Keiichi">Keiichi</a>, <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Rena" title="Rena" class="mw-redirect">Rena</a> and <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Shion" title="Shion" class="mw-redirect">Shion</a> are the most prominent victims of this rule, as at least one of them develops Hinamizawa syndrome in most scenarios. For example, in <i><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Onikakushi-hen" title="Onikakushi-hen">Onikakushi-hen</a></i>, Keiichi becomes suspicious of his friends and comes to the conclusion that they are the perpetrators behind <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Oyashiro-sama" title="Oyashiro-sama">Oyashiro-sama</a>'s curse, causing him to beat Rena and Mion to death out of what he thought was self-defense. In <i><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Watanagashi-hen" title="Watanagashi-hen">Watanagashi-hen</a></i> and <i><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Meakashi-hen" title="Meakashi-hen">Meakashi-hen</a></i>, Shion becomes suspicious of the <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Sonozaki_House" title="Sonozaki House">Sonozaki</a> family's involvement in Oyashiro-sama's curse, and is convinced that they were responsible for the disappearance of <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Satoshi" title="Satoshi" class="mw-redirect">Satoshi</a>, causing her to kill <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Sonozaki_Ory%C5%8D" title="Sonozaki Oryō">Oryō</a> , Mion, and anyone else who she considered to be responsible for amplifying Satoshi's pain(including Rika and Kimiyoshi, who she believed were also involved in Oyashiro-sama's curse, and <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Satoko" title="Satoko" class="mw-redirect">Satoko</a>, who was a burden on Satoshi). In <i><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Tsumihoroboshi-hen" title="Tsumihoroboshi-hen">Tsumihoroboshi-hen</a></i>, Rena also becomes suspicious of the Sonozaki family's involvement in Oyashiro-sama's curse, causing her to take the school hostage. She then threatens to blow up the school in an attempt to force the police into negotiating with her. </li></ul> <ul><li> <b>Rule Y: </b><a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Jirou_Tomitake" title="Jirou Tomitake" class="mw-redirect">Jirou Tomitake</a> and Miyo Takano are killed on the night of the Watanagashi festival without fail in every scenario. Frederica considers this rule to be more stable than rule X, as the method of killing is consistent in every universe, meaning that this rule is absolute, caused by a powerful and unwavering will. Although this rule is independent of rule X, the deaths of Tomitake and Takano usually act as a catalyst, which causes paranoia in Keiichi, Rena, or Shion, and triggers rule X. This occurs because they try to relate Tomitake and Takano's deaths to their own perception of the curse. For example, in <i>Onikakushi-hen</i>, Keiichi believes that Tomitake was killed by the villagers because he was an outsider, and that he will be next, because he just moved to Hinamizawa recently. In <i>Watanagashi-hen</i>, <i>Meakashi-hen</i>, and <i>Tsumihoroboshi-hen</i>, Shion and Rena believe that Takano was killed by the Sonozaki family for knowing too much, which fuels their suspicions. The person with the strong will that causes this rule is later revealed to be Takano, who kills Tomitake and fakes her own death in every scenario. </li></ul> <ul><li><b>Rule Z:</b> Everybody in Hinamizawa believes that the Sonozaki family is responsible for the series of mysterious deaths. The Sonozaki family actually has no control over the deaths, but uses Oyashiro-sama's curse as a bluff to scare everyone. However, because of the assumption that they are controlling everything behind the scenes in Hinamizawa, everyone immediately comes to the conclusion that the seemingly coincidental deaths are all connected, and that Oyashiro-sama's curse is a system created by the Sonozaki family to eliminate the village's enemies. It is the very existence of the "curse" that causes mistrust amongst the villagers. The mistrust breeds suspicion and paranoia, which ultimately leads to the acts of violence caused by rule X. Though they may differ somewhat, Keiichi, Rena, and Shion's perceptions of the curse all have one thing in common; they all suspect the Sonozaki family(or in some cases the entire village). This rule is enforced by <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Oishi" title="Oishi" class="mw-redirect">Oishi</a> and Takano, who contribute to fueling paranoia in Keiichi, Rena and Shion by telling them about Oyashiro-sama's curse and the Sonozaki family's apparent involvement in it. </li></ul> <p><br /></p> <figure class="thumb tright thumbinner" style="width: 252px;"><a href="http://images.wikia.com/whentheycry/images/e/eb/Frederica_Umineko.jpeg" class="image" name="Frederica Umineko.jpeg" id="Frederica_Umineko-jpeg"><img alt="" src="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090828010534/whentheycry/images/thumb/e/eb/Frederica_Umineko.jpeg/250px-Frederica_Umineko.jpeg" class="thumbimage" width="250" height="141" /></a><figcaption class="thumbcaption">Frederica as she appears in <i>Umineko no Naku Koro ni</i> <p>Frederica also appears as the Witch of Miracles in <i><a href="http://umineko.wikia.com/wiki/Umineko_no_Naku_Koro_ni_Wiki" class="text">Umineko no Naku Koro ni</a></i>, the sequel to <i>Higurashi</i>. In <i>Umineko</i>, Frederica explicitly states that she and Rika are <i>not</i> the same person, and anyone who thought so is silly. She also denies that she is <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Oyashiro-sama" title="Oyashiro-sama">Oyashiro-sama</a>, but refuses to introduce the real one, on the grounds that <a href="http://whentheycry.wikia.com/wiki/Furude_Hanyuu" title="Furude Hanyuu" class="mw-redirect">it is easily frightened</a>. </p><p>Though largely unknown, the Bernkastel in Umineko no Naku Koro ni is never confirmed to be the same being as Frederica Bernkastel whom Furude Rika previously described herself as, and only goes only by the name 'Berkastel'. It is possible that 'Frederika Bernkastel' is meant as FURUDERIKA-Bernkastel, <a href="http://umineko.wikia.com/wiki/Umineko_no_Naku_Koro_ni_Wiki" class="text">judging by the nature of human-witch names in Umineko.</a> Some believe that Bernkastel from Umineko is actually Ouka Furude but this is never proven.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Taken from : whentheycry.wikia.com</p><p><br /></p><p>~~~</p></figcaption></figure><div style="text-align: left;"><figure class="thumb tright thumbinner" style="width: 252px;"><figcaption class="thumbcaption"><p>Come on... no need to read it all.</p><p>Summary, Frederica Bernkastel is a Fictional (maybe) character from Higurashi series. She is a poet that usually represents a poem before an arc in Higurashi is started.</p><p>~~~<br /></p><p>Here are her poems </p></figcaption></figure><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><figure class="thumb tright thumbinner" style="width: 252px;"><figcaption class="thumbcaption"><div class="mbl notesBlogText clearfix"><div><p><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Please do not deplore yourself.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Even if the world does not forgive, I will forgive you.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Please do not deplore yourself.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Even if you do not forgive the world, I will forgive you.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>So please tell me.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>What will it take for you, to forgive me?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Do you know what is the sin?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>It isn't because you ate the forbidden fruit.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Do you know what is the sin?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>It isn't because you listened to the serpent.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>You still don't know what is the sin?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Then, that itself is your sin.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I cannot quench your thirst</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Because even if you yearn for the truth, you refuse to believe in it.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I cannot quench your thirst</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Because no such truth exists that you are in anticipation for.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>But I still want to quench your thirst.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Because I am the one that put you into the desert.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The most intricate thing to find in this world.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Is it a needle that you lost in the desert?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The most intricate thing to find in this world.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Is it a crow's feather that you lost in the darkness of the night?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The most intricate thing to find in this world is,</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Realizing your own erroneous contemplation.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The frog in the well was happy.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>It wasn't interested what was outside the well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The frog in the well was happy.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>It was recluse to anything that happened outside the well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>And you were happy.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Because you didn't know what occurred outside the well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I was the most unfortunate.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I knew that there was no exit out of this maze.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Then, he was the next unfortunate.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>He did not know that there was no exit out of this maze.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>But all the rest weren't so unfortunate.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>They didn't know that they were in the maze in the first place.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>So who is the culprit, you ask?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Finding that out is part of the story, right?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>So who is the culprit, you ask?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Do you even know what is the culprit in the first place?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>So who is the culprit?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Who is the culprit that's gonna kill me?!</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>What is it that I seek?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Perhaps it is a knight from a far away land.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>What is it that I seek?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Perhaps it is a shore that will save me from this eternal swamp.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>There is only one thing that I seek.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>What I would obtain will either be the kishi (shore), or shiki (my death).</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The little girl cried when she lost her marbles in the desert.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>She searched the desert for one hundred years.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The little girl cried when she thought she might've lost them in the sea rather than the desert.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>She searched the depths of the sea for one hundred years.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The little girl cried when she thought she might've lost them in the mountains than the sea.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>How long will it take till she begins to doubt whether or not she actually lost them to begin with?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>At the first time, I do my best to try again</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>against the inevitable tragedy.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>In the second time, I become disgusted</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>towards the inevitable tragedy.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The third time, disgust is overwhelmed into painfulness.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>But by the seventh time, this all becomes a farce comedy.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>She wasn't discouraged nor did she cry at her fate.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>She was beautiful.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>She didn't fawn anyone and fought them all by herself.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>She was noble.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>She shined brightly, like a divine figure.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I needed someone like her.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I wanted to know the world that was outside of the well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>So I tried hard to get out from the bottom of the well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I wanted to know the world that was outside of the well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>So I climbed up numerous of times despite falling down over and over again.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>But then I realized it.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The higher and higher I climb, the pain increases when I fall down again.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>When my interest in the world outside of the well began to equal the amount of pain,</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>That was when I finally realized the meaning of the story to Der Froschkönig.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Please tell me what happened in this night.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>It's like the cat inside the box.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Please tell me what happened in this night.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>You don't know if the cat in the box is dead or alive.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Please tell me what happened in this night.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The cat in the box was dead.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>What kind of world lies outside of the well?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Is it something that is worth struggling for?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>What kind of world lies outside of the well?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Is it something so attractive enough to fall and try over and over again?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>What kind of world lies outside of the well?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Let's enjoy taking the pains of finding that out.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>If I reach the world that yearn for, it must be a spectacular world.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Even if that world was another pit inside a well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The key to the new world is the resolve to get out of the well.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Being able to get out or not,</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>A new world awaits...</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Everyone has a right to pursue a happy life.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The difficult part is to be given that right.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Everyone has a right to pursue a happy life.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The difficult part is to fulfill that right.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I too have a right to pursue a happy life.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The difficult part is to work out a compromise for that right.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>That's because</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I'm gonna become much much more happy from now on.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I'm not gonna compromise with just this.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>We are gonna take back all of our happiness that we lost.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>For me, that's about a hundred year's worth.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>For you, a thousand year's worth.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em> </em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Message From Frederica Bernkastel</strong><em></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>I am who I am; Frederica Bernkastel.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Furude Rika and Frederica are different. Shame on you if you thought so.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em> My age? I've gotten bored with it, so I've quit counting.<br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Huh? Are you speculating that the real identity of the Oyashiro-sama is me?</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>Giggle giggle. You are so insolent.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>The Oyashiro-sama is the Oyashiro-sama. You want me to introduce it to you? It's rather shy.</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em> It gets frightened easily so don't scare it, okay? However, it seems that you are the one that's scared.<br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: left;"> </p><p style="text-align: left;"><em> Giggle giggle giggle...</em></p><p style="text-align: left;"><em>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</em></p><p><br /></p><p>Well, that's it!</p><p>What do you think? ^^</p><p>I think it's beautiful... I love them...<br /></p><p>I don't really understand some of them, but I understand most of course... </p></div></div></figcaption></figure>I really like poems, after all...<br /><br />~~~<br /><br />Well, that's it from me, after haven't posted anything at all this long...<br />See you another chance!!<br /></div><figure class="thumb tright thumbinner" style="width: 252px;"><figcaption class="thumbcaption"></figcaption></figure></div><figure class="thumb tright thumbinner" style="width: 252px;"><figcaption class="thumbcaption"></figcaption></figure></div></div>Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1834172561645829130.post-41729920742135406222011-06-09T05:02:00.000-07:002011-09-10T16:01:11.716-07:00God's BlessingIs anyone alive out there?<br /><br />Ever feel like you're alive?<br />Of course. Even if it's just a glimpse of it.<br />I'm sure all of you have ever felt like you're blessed.<br />Blessed by what?<br />Anything. Everything around you.<br />Yeah, you feel it right?<br />The feeling when the sun is showering you with its bright light, yet you feel no hot inside you, but you feel warm in your heart.<br />The feeling when the air is blowing your face with the medium of wind, yet you feel no cold on the surface, but you feel calm inside.<br />The feeling when the sky is quenching your thirst with pouring the water from the cloud, yet you feel no pain in your body, but you feel satisfied by it.<br /><br />Yes, you have felt something like that in your life, right?<br />Something that feels so usual, but actually you sense something different.<br />Something that's so usual, but you really feel something in your heart.<br />Something that makes you think "Ahh~ I'm ALIVE".<br />Yes, those sort of things.<br />The feeling when you feel like spreading your hand and give your body and soul while holding your head up to the sky.<br /><br />Yeah, that's kind of awkward.<br />But, doesn't it feel good?<br />To be honest, that's what I feel.<br />"It's kinda awkward, but I feel good." is what I'm thinking when the light of sun showers me, or when the gust of wind blowing my face, or when the falling water pouring onto my body.<br />Yes, it really feels good.<br />I feel like being blessed.<br /><br />Being blessed. That's another one.<br />Maybe some of you are thinking "is it enough proof to say that we're being blessed? isn't it just to satisfy us?"<br />Well, that's ok, I think.<br />For now, it is.<br />It is to satisfy us.<br />Is it wrong? Is it really wrong when you think like that?<br />It's okay, right?<br />It's okay if we're thinking we're blessed, right?<br />Even if it's just our thoughts, at least, it will put us in ease.<br />It's okay to put ourselves in ease, right?<br />As long as we don't leave the reality.<br />Yes, that's blessing.<br /><br />It will put us in ease to live in reality.<br />It will make us to give our best.<br /><br />Yes, that's blessing.<br />The feeling when you're GRATEFUL.<br />The feeling when you're GLAD.<br />The feeling when you're FULL.<br />The feeling when you have NO REGRET anymore.<br />The feeling when you're ALIVE.<br /><br />People, even if it's just thinking, why don't you start feeling blessed?<br />Even for a little time, please feel blessed.<br />For it will make you Grateful.<br />Even for a little time, please feel blessed.<br />For it will make you Glad.<br />Even for a little time, please feel blessed.<br />For it will make you Full.<br />Even for a little time, please feel blessed.<br />For it will make you have No Regret anymore.<br />Even for a little time, please feel blessed.<br />For it will make you feel Alive.<br /><br />At least, for you're here, really is being blessed right now.Syapaayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12850493095187482856noreply@blogger.com0