Sabtu, 12 November 2011

A Marble For Daughter, A Marble For Dear Friend

Is anyone alive out there?

Finally, I can update this again.. This is a little late, actually..

So, now, this is a story again..

Once again, actually, this is my english ass...ignment

give it a try, let out your opinion..


A Marble For Daughter, A Marble For Dear Friend

“The world is cruel.”

Yes, that was what I thought when I was a child back then. Everyday I was abused by my father. With many excuses, he hit me here and there. My mother had done many things to stop him, but it seemed just a vain. In a night, my father was drunk. My mother scolded him and they went into a fight. My father was impatient. He took a knife from the kitchen, and stabbed my mother. She killed my mother and ran away. I was put on care by my mother’s relatives, but soon after, a mafia organization came, killed my uncle and my aunt, and took everything they could. Seemed like my father had illogically huge debt to them, and he hadn’t repaid them. I was beaten, and they dumped me in the street. Blood was dropping, making the snow became red. I was hopelessly wandering around the city, with many eyes were staring with disgust at me. At a point, I saw a big house standing in the middle of the city. It was a very luxurious house. “What kind of people living in there? They must eat delicious meal everyday. As for me… Is God blind, after all?” As I made those thoughts, I collapsed in front of the gate of the house. “Hey… Hey…” A soft voice called for me. As I couldn’t hold my tire anymore, everything went black. “Is this my end?”

I opened my eyes, and I saw the little girl was in front of me, staring at me from above with anxious looking face. “Ahh… You woke up!” She said with happy little face. Apparently, I was brought in after I collapsed. The little girl was sitting beside me. Her hair was purely blonde, matching the blue eyes she had. Her figure was so sublime, her face was noble. Truly a beautiful girl at around my age. “My name is Alicia. You can call me Alice, if it’s hard to say. What’s yours?” Suddenly, she introduced herself. “Ahh… My name is Takumi.” I answered. “Where are your parents, Takumi?” She asked. “My parents? They… They are gone far away.” She was surprised. Then, she looked at me with pitying eyes. It pierced my heart, and I hated it. Until then, she suddenly said, “How about living here?”

Maybe it was fate brought us together. Or… Maybe not. She lost her parents when she was still a baby. The only thing she had was a marble. A small, old marble, proving the bond she had with her parents. And she was living with her servants. She was taken care by them. Every necessary was given by her uncle, but she was still living alone in that big house. She let me live in that big house. I didn’t know how should I feel, back then. A part of my heart said that I should be happy, but as my mind had forgotten the term of ‘happiness’, I remained expressionless. They bought me luxurious clothing, giving me delicious meals everyday, even proper education. “What are they doing? What kind of profit will I give to them, if they are doing this? What are they thinking?” Is what I was thinking back then. Money was everything. Money was the one that took everything away from me, money was the one that killed my mother, money was the one that gave me no reason to live. So why? Why were they doing this even though they knew that I couldn’t give anything in return to them?

One day, Alice forced me to come out. We went to the garden, and found a bird. The bird was lying on the ground. Its wing was hurt badly. I looked at Alice, she was trembling and surprised. All of sudden, she rushed to the bird and took it in her hands. “Takku, could you bring me first-aid kit pack?” she asked me. “Why?” I said. “Why? To take care of this bird, of course.” She replied. “Why? What would you gain after taking care that bird?” Yes, I was spouting nonsense. “Ehh?” She was shocked and bewildered. “It is just a bird. Taking care of that bird wouldn’t let you gain any profit, would it? It just lost its hopes to fly. Why don’t you understand? The best thing and its last salvation is definitely to die! Why? Just like you who picked me on the ground? Why did you bring me in? Why are you letting me to live? What kind of profit would you gain?!” I shouted while looking at the ground gloomily.


A loud sound was roaring to the sky. I was slapped. By her small and fragile hand. Hurt. Not my cheek, nor my soul. Rather, I had an anxious feeling inside my chest. Blood was flowing a lot faster than before. My eyes were wide open. “What are you saying?!! Profit, profit, profit!! Do you think I’m only thinking about profit?!?! The world is not only about money!! I know you may have lonely past, but why are you just taking it the wrong way?!! It lost its hopes to fly?!?!! Dying is only its last salvation?!?!” She yelled at me while crying. Her voice was loud. Louder than anybody could expect coming from a little girl in front of me. Her tears were pouring down, as a rain that was falling down onto the ground. “Look at its eyes, Takumi. Even though what you’ve said is true, that it has lost its hope. Still, don’t you think that it’s still asking for someone to give it hope? Just like when I found you back then. With that lonely eyes of yours, staring at the black and starless night, full of emptiness. And I know, that you’re still begging for someone to give you hopes. That’s why, even if it has lost its hopes, is it a wrong thing to give it hopes that it’s asking for…? Is it that wrong to give someone what one needs without wanting something in return…?” She said softly. She swept her tears, and went into the house. After staring at the ground emptily, I followed her, and found her while struggling to clean the bird’s wound. “I… I brought the first-aid kit pack. Do… Do you mind if I help you taking care of the bird?” I asked her nervously. She was surprised, her mouth was opened for a while. Then, she smiled brightly and said, “Um!! I don’t mind.”

After that, I spent my days mostly with her. Playing with her, studying with her, fooling around, taking an adventure, everything. I know I was just a child back then, but still, I could feel it. The warmth she spread around the world. The brightest smile that only she could show. The joy of having my time with her. I finally obtained my smile again. The smile I had lost in that night.

“Even if it’s just a dream, I don’t want it to end.” I thought. Until the day, I woke up from those beautiful dreams.

It was rainy season. Alice was staying at the bed all the time. She said that she was okay. But, after I asked her butler, I found out that she had the same illness as her mother had that made her mother died. I didn’t know what to do. I was just visiting her room everyday, and played with her. She was smiling and laughing with joy, so I didn’t think of anything than keeping doing that.

That day was Alice’s birthday. I was outside to buy a present to her. When I was going home, “Takumi… You’re Takumi, right…?” I met my father. He just found me. He embraced me and asked me many things, such as how was I, where was I living. After telling him many things, he just said it. He asked me to live with him again. He begged me I was bewildered. I didn’t know what to feel. I just didn’t feel right. He was the one who left me, yet he’s still my father. After giving me some times to think, he left.

I went back and told Alice what happened. And how I was feeling, too. I was confused. Deep in my heart, of course I want to be with my family again. But, to think, he had done many terrible things to me.

“No, Takku. Dump that piece of crap.” She said coldly while staring at outside the window. It was raining. “Cr- But, Alice, he’s still my parent!” I tried to defend him. “Parent?! That thrash is the one who dumped you, Takku!! Why don’t you understand?!! Why are you still acting stupid until now?!?!” She shouted at me. Surprised, I threw her my tantrum. The moment… Of the biggest mistake in my life. “What?! Just because you don’t have parents anymore—!!“ “Takumi!!!” Soon, I covered my mouth with hand realizing my own foolishness. She glared at me. The coldest glare I’d ever had. “Fine, Takumi… Do as you want! Get out of here!” She shouted and turned around. I was shocked. I was bewildered. Confused. Angered. Depressed. Every little feeling was mixed up in my heart. Gloomily, I went out of the house.

Again, I wandered hopelessly around the city. It was raining. My clothing was soaked. I stumbled many times, but I got up every time I stumbled. Weird. Why did I not get up in front of that gate, back then? At an alley, I decided to take a rest with a roof of a shop became my shelter. In front of me, a beggar was sitting while trying to warm himself. With weak voice, he started to talk to me. “What are you doing here, kid?” he asked me. “I… Ran away from home…” I replied. “Get back, kid! Kids these days… You don’t know what you have until you lose it, kid! Don’t wait until you regret it!”

“—He’s right… What am I doing?!” I thought. I hadn’t even said happy birthday to her. I hadn’t even given the present I bought to her. I ran to the house and called her. “Alice!! Alice!!” But she didn’t reply me. I asked her butler, but it seemed he didn’t know, too. Every single person didn’t know where she was. I was getting impatient. She was sick, it was raining outside. I decided to go out to search for her. I ran as fast as I could, and searched all the places I could think of. And finally, I found her lying on the ground, poured by rain. “ALICE!!” I shouted her name. I came closer, and looked at her. “Ta…kumi…? I was searching for you… I’m… I’m sorry…” She said faintly while looking up at me. “I’m sorry I said those mean words.” “No!! It’s me who’s at fault! I’m sorry! I’m the one who threw mean words to you, Alice!” I said while holding her in my hands. “Still, I shouldn’t have said that, too. I, just want you to be happy. You’re the only one I have, right now. That’s why. That’s why even for a bit, I want to make you happy. I don’t want you to be sad anymore. Just like the moment I found you in that snowy night. But, now you have many sparkles inside your eyes, Takumi. The sparkles I’ve been yearning, yet I couldn’t achieve. The sparkles that make me admire you. The sparkles that are shining so bright and I couldn’t help but staring at you. I don’t want you to lose it again.” She said forcedly. “What… Are you talking about, Alice…? You said too many things a kid cannot understand.” I smiled bitterly. “Hahaha… Guess, that’s it… Live, Takumi… For the hopes I gave to you. For the first time, I may be egoist. Just, live… Give as many hopes as you can to others.” She said while giving something to me. “This… Is a marble my parents gave to me, as a memento. My parents’ and my hopes are with you, now, Takumi… Live with hopes, keep your sparkles.”

Three days later, she stopped breathing. “I still haven’t said happy birthday.” I was left hopelessly again. We had the mourning ceremony soon. There, I was staring at her photo emptily, until— I remembered something. I searched in my pocket, and I took—Two marbles. A marble she gave to me. And a marble I wanted to give to her. The marble that’s filled with her parent’s and her hopes. And the marble that’s filled with my hopes. The marble that’s proving the bond between her and her parents. And the marble that’s proving the bond between her and me.

Yes, until now, at a certain date, her birthday, I’m always holding those marbles up, and smile while saying, “Happy Birthday, Dear Alice! I’m still living and full of hopes! How about it? I… Still haven’t lost my sparkles, right?”

Sabtu, 29 Oktober 2011


Is anyone alive out there?

Hi... Long time no see.
It's me again, posting about something in my life.
For now, in this post, I want to talk about my dream.

I just realized it. My "Real" Dream.
Once, I decided that I want to be a writer, because I want to be remembered.
This might be cliche, but to think, I might just...
I... Want to live forever.
Yes, just like villains in comic books or cartoons, I actually want to live forever.
But, not that kind of infinity life they want.
In comic books, they want to live forever as human, and to get in God's Territory.
But, that's... Tough. Quite impossible, if I have to say.
What I want, is to live in any kind of shape in this world.
You know what I mean?
Just like to live as a memory in one's mind.
Or to live as a word in a book.
Or to live as a scratch in a picture.
Or to live in a shape, in my own world.

Maybe that's the main reason I want to be a writer, actually.
To leave a single fragment of me in this world to be remembered by others.
To live as another shape in this world.
To create my own world, where I can actually live there as another being.

Muhammad, Isa, Einstein, even Hitler had done it (though Hitler did it wrong, but you have to admit that he did it). Really long time before I was born.
They had reached that kind of world. They are now living in another shape in this world.
I know this is big, but, don't they say having a big dream is the start of having a big future?
Don't they say having a big dream is a good thing to begin with?

Yes, to think about it, this really is my dream.
To live forever in any kind of shape.
Hahahaha... I may be wishy-washy, but I really want to live forever by doing something BIG in this world.
BIG enough to change people's mind.
BIG enough to move people's heart.
BIG enough to... even be remembered by God as a being that exists in the world He created.

Tough... Really tough...
But, there's a way...
I can think a way.... I know I can think a way...
One thing is by words...
I will create words that will be the sign of my existence...
Words that will do everything to make my dream comes true...
Words that will describe me as who I am, and words that will change me into another kind of creature in a world...
To be a writer...

Or by actions...
Something that will change the world.
Something that will make me remembered as "Somebody" in this world.
Something that even God will accept my existence.

Yes, I want to live forever.
As long as Devil can live.
Or even longer.

Yes, I want to live forever.
In a future where I'm not in.
But still exist there.

Yes, I want to live forever.
As different things, as different existences, as different creatures, as different shapes, as different presence,
As a different.
Even though...
I'm not even aware of it.


Is anyone alive out there?
"My Dream?
I want to live forever."

Jumat, 23 September 2011

Jessica and Adam (My Versions)

Is anyone alive out there?

This time, I will present you some stories.
Actually, this was an assignment from my teacher, and I finished it.
But, due to I don't really have anything to do, I made some other versions of the story.

This was taken from the book "English in Mind *Student's Book 3" written by Herbert Puchta and Jeff Stranks, with Richard Carter and Peter Lewis-Jones.

So... Here is the story.

Original Short Ver.

Jessica and Adam met five years ago. She was working in London. One day she saw him. He was a university student, but was doing a summer job. He had come to the place where she was working.

As Adam was leaving, he left a little message next to Jessica’s computer. Jessica phoned him and they met the same evening. Adam and Jessica liked each other a lot. One day a terrible thing happened. Jessica was hit by a car. She was Badly hurt. Six months later Jessica was OK again. Adam had helped her a lot.

Heart-Touching Ver.

Jessica was hit by a car. She was badly hurt. After the accident, she was taken to the big hospital in London. She was bandaged here and there. She was in a very, very bad state. And the worst, she was paralyzed. She can’t move at all, even just a finger of her. She could see, she could hear, she could taste, she could touch, she could breathe, but she couldn’t do anything than those. She couldn’t even talk. Yes, that is the state she was in.

Adam was talking to the doctor, asking about Jessica’s condition. The doctor said “Please, just continue to support her. Whether she will become fine again or not, it’s up to her. It’s about her mental, too. Just, make her feel comfortable. Either body, or her mind”.

Adam came to the room where Jessica was. Looking at the unmoving Jessica, his heart was badly hurt, too. It’s like a thousand needles are piercing his heart at the same time.

He got closer to Jessica, with a smile in his face. “Hi, Jess! How are you? Silly me who’s asking that. I’m sorry. So…”, he was saying while holding up his tears. “Get well soon, okay! So we can go out there again! Having fun, together… Enjoying the cool breeze, eating the unhealthy foods like junk-foods, and the other things we always do. Please, just please have fun again with me!” he said to Jessica. Trying to cheer her up, and to make her comfortable.

And so, Adam was constantly visiting her, and kept on cheering and talking to her. “Hi, Jess! You know, something funny happened at the college!”, “Hi, Jess! My football team won the friendly match!”, “Jess! Jess! You know, they got the surprise party for me because of the match I told you before!” was what, Adam saying all the time with cheerful face. Even though he was really holding on. He kept trying to make her feel better, with telling the happy stories he had.

Jessica was glad, and sad, too. She was glad because there was someone beside her. She was not really lonely because Adam was with her. But, she was sad, too. She wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. Even crying was impossible for her. And she felt to be blamed. Because Adam was there for her, and she thought that it would waste his times. “He has his own life. He’s even still a university student. He has to study, prepare his script, and graduate. It’s my fault, isn’t it? Because of me. It’s like I am the one who’s ruining his life, isn’t it? He’s so gentle. He kept visiting and talking to me even though he know I can’t do anything to response him. What should I do? I don’t want it. I don’t want it to be like this. Should I give up on Adam? Yes, I have to. I can’t sacrifice Adam for my own goodness. I can’t be selfish.“ was what in her mind all the time when she was seeing Adam’s cheerful and sad in front of her.

One day, just like others, Adam was visiting Jessica again. He was, again like always, telling his stories and cheering her up. But, suddenly, he lowered his head, and went sulking. He then said, “Jessica. Why don’t you get better, already? Just so you know, I’m saying this not because I’m giving up. But, please, get better. Don’t be in this state for longer. I miss you, Jessica. I miss the old you. The moment when you smiled at me, the moment when you were surprised. I miss those old times we spent. Why? Why don’t you get better? Is it because you think I’m ruining my life? I’m wasting my time? Is that what you think, Jessica? I know you can hear me. That’s enough, Jessica. You don’t need to respond. It’s just, please keep hearing me, Jessica. Because when there exists the you who listens to me, that’s enough. That’s enough to be the bond between us. And I keep talking to you, it’s not like I’m wasting my time, once again. I’m doing it because of my own will Jessica. It’s because my affection towards you, Jessica. You… You are my most important treasure, Jessica. My love for you is genuine. So please, don’t blame yourself. I won’t give up. So, don’t give up, okay?”.

Yes, that is the thing he said. With a teary eyes, smiling and cheerful smile on his face. He said those words. Perfectly, innocently, from the deepest part of his heart. And he read it. He read her mind. He understood her. He could feel what Jessica is feeling. Yes. That’s Adam.

Jessica heard it. Her eyes were wide open. She couldn’t respond, but… She… Cried. For the first time after the accident, she finally cried. Even though crying was impossible for her, Adam’s words are touching her heart. Gently, there came warmth and wrapping her heart. Making her tears pouring out from her eyes. She couldn’t make even a sound, but she really did cry. She was still not moving, but that’s it. She couldn’t hold it anymore. She wanted to cry for a long time, but this time, she was not crying because of what she wanted to cry for. She was crying, because of something she wanted from the purest part of her heart. Yes, to be filled with happiness. To be filled with Adam’s feeling.

Horror Ver.

Jessica was hit by a car. She was hurt. After the accident, she was taken to the big hospital in London. And Adam was worried about her.

Adam asked the doctor about her condition. The doctor said “It’s okay. She’s not that bad. She just needs to rest for some times. But, there’s something I’m worried about. It’s about her head. I don’t know. The results of the check-up is fine. But, my instinct as doctor, I feel something’s wrong. Please, keep her well”. And because of that, Adam became worried, too.

Adam was visiting her, time by time. But, there was something wrong with Jessica. Even though, she was up, and sitting on his bed, she didn’t say anything and just sat silently there. While lowering her head, there came gloomy aura from her. Adam was worried, and scared. He didn’t want something bad to happen to Jessica. So, he stayed by her side and trying to keep her.

One day, Adam was peeling an apple. “Adam, could you buy me some bottled mineral water?”, she asked Adam, while still lowering her head. Adam went out to buy what she asked, and came back with it. When he’s opening the door, he heard something from Jessica. Like chanting, murmuring. “The voice can’t stop. It can’t be stopped. Why? Noisy. It’s so noisy. I can’t take it. I can’t take it. I can’t take it. I can’t take it”. Suddenly, she looked at Adam with wide opened eyes, then said “Adam… Help me… The voice is so noisy… Please, stop it… Stop it… Stop it!! Stop it!! I can’t take it!! I can’t take it!!”. Adam was surprised because of her loud voice. He’s dumbfounded.

Until then… “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” Jessica yelled. And Adam realized, something was stuck on his chest. He looked down, and he saw Jessica was there. She was holding a knife. A knife he was using earlier to peel the apple. It was stabbed, and stuck to his chest, near his heart. It was happened in an instant. Jessica took out the knife, and stabbed it to Adam’s chest.

“Jessica?” He let out his voice. Jessica didn’t hear it. Or you can say, she couldn’t hear it. She couldn’t hear anything anymore. Her eyes were black, as black as the starless night. Black, but looked so beautiful.

Jessica took out the knife from Adam’s chest, making Adam yelling because of the pain. But, he couldn’t do anything in that bewilderment. And because love he had towards Jessica. Jessica seemed to not care. After taking out the knife, once again she stabbed it to Adam’s body. No, it was not once again. She took it out again, then stabbed it again. Took it out, stabbed it, took it out, stabbed it. The blood was spurting out from Adam’s body. Making he himself, and Jessica stained by his blood.

Adam couldn’t do anything. He was powerless. He couldn’t think of anything. His brain had stopped working. And, he fell on the floor, drenched with his own blood. Lifeless. Adam died… By Jessica’s hands.

Jessica realized. She was surprised, seeing Adam lying on the floor without life. “What did I do?” was what she was saying. She was surprised, sad. Then, she cried. She cried. With sadness overflowing, she cried her heart. She was crying, but voiceless. The tears were pouring down. Making some little sounds of drops. Until then, “KYAAAA!!!”. There was a nurse standing in front of the room with the opened door. Jessica’s room. The room where Adam’s body was lying. She realized the nurse. She quickly moved her hand, and then… SLASH!! Bloods were spurting out from the nurse’s white neck, making Jessica more drenched in blood. Jessica cut it. Jessica cut the nurse’s neck. With the tears still flowing, she cut it. The nurse that before was screaming, had become silent. She fell on the floor, with the blood still coming out from her beautiful neck.

She then realized it again. That she killed her. She killed the nurse without thinking. There were two corpses in the hospital. She couldn’t think of anything again. She couldn’t take it. All she could do, was listening to the voice. She took it. The sensation of killing people. The sensation of taking people’s lives. The sensation she couldn’t feel everyday. It was sad, but… It felt so good, too. That was what in her mind.

Thirty minutes later, polices came to the hospital. Someone called them to come. The police received a phone where there were many people screaming. So, they came there in hurry.

They are in front of the entrance of the hospital. While holding a gun, one of them opened the door, and they see… Jessica in a blood-bath. There were corpses everywhere. The receptionists, doctors, nurses, patients, everyone had died because of her. With just that single knife she was holding. Nobody… Nobody was still living in there.

She just sat there, in front of the entrance, while covering her eyes with her hands. There were tears. The tears from the first time. The tears when she killed Adam. They were still there. The tears were not dried yet.

She’s voiceless. The cops were going closer. But, then she took her knife, and stabbed the heart of one of the cops. Without giving him a chance to pull up the trigger of his gun, she once again killed a person. The other cop then shot her. He got her in the stomach. But it wasn’t stopping her. She then once again ran to the cops, and killed two cops instantly by cutting their neck. The others furiously then shot her. While the others were shooting her, the other one was calling for enforcements through radio in her car outside the hospital. He was calling from outside his car, and sometimes looking back, seeing his friends were killed by the unstopped Jessica. But when he was talking, and looked back again, Jessica was there, and then stabbed his back. He turned around while falling to the ground, and with the final power he had, he then shot her at her heart.

Jessica felt it. The pain of being shot at the heart. She then fell on the ground.

Some minutes later, more cops came to the hospital. But, what they found, were just the corpses of cops. They didn’t found a woman's corpse that was holding a knife and drenched in blood.

Rabu, 03 Agustus 2011

Poems by Frederica Bernkastel

Is anyone alive out there?

First of all, who is Frederica Bernkastel?


Frederica Bernkastel (Frederika Berunkasuteru) is a mysterious character, appearing only once in person in Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai, in the last episode of Matsuribayashi-hen. There she speaks to a young Takano Miyo, as she now enjoys travelling to different worlds and playing with the "pieces" in them. Frederica looks very similar to Furude Rika, and it has been suggested she and Rika are either the same person, or she is a compilation of all the past Rikas who died. This is implied in Matsuribayashi-hen that when talking about Rika she refers to Rika has "I" or "me".

There is also a theory that states that Frederica was born from Rika's despair, hopelessness, and loss of interest in breaking fate after Tsumihoroboroshi-hen, since in the sound novels, Frederica tells the reader, "Eventually, she started giving up, and lost interest in those worlds. That's how I was born...". If this is true, it also relates to Bernkastel of Umineko. This would directly explain Bernkastel's declaration of being a separate person from Rika, Bernkastel's empty eyes (a.k.a. loss of humanity, she has no glint or life in her eyes), and her (ironic) title as the "Witch of Miracles" (Bernkastel says that she is named the "Witch of Miracles" because she is the only one who truly knows that miracles cannot occur out of the blue by mere praying ((this concept is proven by Maebara Keiichi in Minagoroshi-hen)), while Rika used to immaturely keep praying for miracles to come her way without taking action). Either way, she and Rika have a close relationship.

There is a possibility that Frederica was involved in putting Rika through the terrible fate of a perfect world. When she appears for her first (and only) time in Kai and meets the younger version of Takano Miyo, she asks Takano whether she wants to "live or die"; Takano first tells Frederica that she wants to live, so Frederica told her, "You may go to your friend's house. However, she will not be there." Upon hearing this, Takano changes her mind and says she wants to die, so Frederica tells her to go follow her parents, so Takano can earn another flag from a mall restaurant to add to her collection. The "live or die" part may have meant if Takano wanted to "live" a new life as Miyo Takano, or let that identity "die" and stay as Tanashi Miyoko. Takano says she wants to "die", so she continues on to the mall with her parents. It is revealed in the last episode of Kai that Takano and her parents boarded a different bus than the one fated to crash. Thus, Takano and her parents are not led to their deaths, Takano does not change her name to "Takano" or ever meet Hifumi, which may have been a trigger to the perfect world where the Irie Clinic is never established, Tokyo never involves itself in Hinamizawa, and none of the characters suffer any tragedies. Saikoroshi-hen could possibly be that world where Frederica stepped into, and could also be interpreted as Bernkastel experimenting a fate where she got rid of Lambdadelta's major piece (Takano) beforehand as a pre-emptive move to create a desired heaven for Rika (of course, even so, things don't happen as nicely as expected for her).

In the Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Rei novel Saikoroshi-hen, Rika uses the name 'Frederika Bernkastel' for the first time, in order to distinguish herself from the 'Rika' of that world. However, at the end of the novel she undestands the meaning of Hanyuu's power, and gives up on it, choosing to go back to being just 'Furude Rika', a normal girl with no powers. She also said that the part of her who lived for 100 years and pulled the strings of fate—Frederika Bernkastel—will continue to exist in an higher world. In Higurashi, she writes poems that appear at the beginning of every arc, though they are absent in the anime and therefore many people have never heard of them. Her poems give the over-all theme for the upcoming story and document Rika's struggle through the different worlds. It is shown in the manga at the start of Minagoroshi-hen that Frederica meets Rika in the world of kakera, where they discuss the three rules that constantly appear throughout the universes:

  • Rule X: A random person in Hinamizawa succumbs to Hinamizawa syndrome and is driven to acts of violence by extreme levels of paranoia. Keiichi, Rena and Shion are the most prominent victims of this rule, as at least one of them develops Hinamizawa syndrome in most scenarios. For example, in Onikakushi-hen, Keiichi becomes suspicious of his friends and comes to the conclusion that they are the perpetrators behind Oyashiro-sama's curse, causing him to beat Rena and Mion to death out of what he thought was self-defense. In Watanagashi-hen and Meakashi-hen, Shion becomes suspicious of the Sonozaki family's involvement in Oyashiro-sama's curse, and is convinced that they were responsible for the disappearance of Satoshi, causing her to kill Oryō , Mion, and anyone else who she considered to be responsible for amplifying Satoshi's pain(including Rika and Kimiyoshi, who she believed were also involved in Oyashiro-sama's curse, and Satoko, who was a burden on Satoshi). In Tsumihoroboshi-hen, Rena also becomes suspicious of the Sonozaki family's involvement in Oyashiro-sama's curse, causing her to take the school hostage. She then threatens to blow up the school in an attempt to force the police into negotiating with her.
  • Rule Y: Jirou Tomitake and Miyo Takano are killed on the night of the Watanagashi festival without fail in every scenario. Frederica considers this rule to be more stable than rule X, as the method of killing is consistent in every universe, meaning that this rule is absolute, caused by a powerful and unwavering will. Although this rule is independent of rule X, the deaths of Tomitake and Takano usually act as a catalyst, which causes paranoia in Keiichi, Rena, or Shion, and triggers rule X. This occurs because they try to relate Tomitake and Takano's deaths to their own perception of the curse. For example, in Onikakushi-hen, Keiichi believes that Tomitake was killed by the villagers because he was an outsider, and that he will be next, because he just moved to Hinamizawa recently. In Watanagashi-hen, Meakashi-hen, and Tsumihoroboshi-hen, Shion and Rena believe that Takano was killed by the Sonozaki family for knowing too much, which fuels their suspicions. The person with the strong will that causes this rule is later revealed to be Takano, who kills Tomitake and fakes her own death in every scenario.
  • Rule Z: Everybody in Hinamizawa believes that the Sonozaki family is responsible for the series of mysterious deaths. The Sonozaki family actually has no control over the deaths, but uses Oyashiro-sama's curse as a bluff to scare everyone. However, because of the assumption that they are controlling everything behind the scenes in Hinamizawa, everyone immediately comes to the conclusion that the seemingly coincidental deaths are all connected, and that Oyashiro-sama's curse is a system created by the Sonozaki family to eliminate the village's enemies. It is the very existence of the "curse" that causes mistrust amongst the villagers. The mistrust breeds suspicion and paranoia, which ultimately leads to the acts of violence caused by rule X. Though they may differ somewhat, Keiichi, Rena, and Shion's perceptions of the curse all have one thing in common; they all suspect the Sonozaki family(or in some cases the entire village). This rule is enforced by Oishi and Takano, who contribute to fueling paranoia in Keiichi, Rena and Shion by telling them about Oyashiro-sama's curse and the Sonozaki family's apparent involvement in it.

Frederica as she appears in Umineko no Naku Koro ni

Frederica also appears as the Witch of Miracles in Umineko no Naku Koro ni, the sequel to Higurashi. In Umineko, Frederica explicitly states that she and Rika are not the same person, and anyone who thought so is silly. She also denies that she is Oyashiro-sama, but refuses to introduce the real one, on the grounds that it is easily frightened.

Though largely unknown, the Bernkastel in Umineko no Naku Koro ni is never confirmed to be the same being as Frederica Bernkastel whom Furude Rika previously described herself as, and only goes only by the name 'Berkastel'. It is possible that 'Frederika Bernkastel' is meant as FURUDERIKA-Bernkastel, judging by the nature of human-witch names in Umineko. Some believe that Bernkastel from Umineko is actually Ouka Furude but this is never proven.

Taken from :


Come on... no need to read it all.

Summary, Frederica Bernkastel is a Fictional (maybe) character from Higurashi series. She is a poet that usually represents a poem before an arc in Higurashi is started.


Here are her poems


Please do not deplore yourself.

Even if the world does not forgive, I will forgive you.

Please do not deplore yourself.

Even if you do not forgive the world, I will forgive you.

So please tell me.

What will it take for you, to forgive me?


Do you know what is the sin?

It isn't because you ate the forbidden fruit.

Do you know what is the sin?

It isn't because you listened to the serpent.

You still don't know what is the sin?

Then, that itself is your sin.


I cannot quench your thirst

Because even if you yearn for the truth, you refuse to believe in it.

I cannot quench your thirst

Because no such truth exists that you are in anticipation for.

But I still want to quench your thirst.

Because I am the one that put you into the desert.


The most intricate thing to find in this world.

Is it a needle that you lost in the desert?

The most intricate thing to find in this world.

Is it a crow's feather that you lost in the darkness of the night?

The most intricate thing to find in this world is,

Realizing your own erroneous contemplation.


The frog in the well was happy.

It wasn't interested what was outside the well.

The frog in the well was happy.

It was recluse to anything that happened outside the well.

And you were happy.

Because you didn't know what occurred outside the well.


I was the most unfortunate.

I knew that there was no exit out of this maze.

Then, he was the next unfortunate.

He did not know that there was no exit out of this maze.

But all the rest weren't so unfortunate.

They didn't know that they were in the maze in the first place.


So who is the culprit, you ask?

Finding that out is part of the story, right?

So who is the culprit, you ask?

Do you even know what is the culprit in the first place?

So who is the culprit?

Who is the culprit that's gonna kill me?!


What is it that I seek?

Perhaps it is a knight from a far away land.

What is it that I seek?

Perhaps it is a shore that will save me from this eternal swamp.

There is only one thing that I seek.

What I would obtain will either be the kishi (shore), or shiki (my death).


The little girl cried when she lost her marbles in the desert.

She searched the desert for one hundred years.

The little girl cried when she thought she might've lost them in the sea rather than the desert.

She searched the depths of the sea for one hundred years.

The little girl cried when she thought she might've lost them in the mountains than the sea.

How long will it take till she begins to doubt whether or not she actually lost them to begin with?


At the first time, I do my best to try again

against the inevitable tragedy.

In the second time, I become disgusted

towards the inevitable tragedy.

The third time, disgust is overwhelmed into painfulness.

But by the seventh time, this all becomes a farce comedy.


She wasn't discouraged nor did she cry at her fate.

She was beautiful.

She didn't fawn anyone and fought them all by herself.

She was noble.

She shined brightly, like a divine figure.

I needed someone like her.


I wanted to know the world that was outside of the well.

So I tried hard to get out from the bottom of the well.

I wanted to know the world that was outside of the well.

So I climbed up numerous of times despite falling down over and over again.

But then I realized it.

The higher and higher I climb, the pain increases when I fall down again.

When my interest in the world outside of the well began to equal the amount of pain,

That was when I finally realized the meaning of the story to Der Froschkönig.


Please tell me what happened in this night.

It's like the cat inside the box.

Please tell me what happened in this night.

You don't know if the cat in the box is dead or alive.

Please tell me what happened in this night.

The cat in the box was dead.


What kind of world lies outside of the well?

Is it something that is worth struggling for?

What kind of world lies outside of the well?

Is it something so attractive enough to fall and try over and over again?

What kind of world lies outside of the well?

Let's enjoy taking the pains of finding that out.

If I reach the world that yearn for, it must be a spectacular world.

Even if that world was another pit inside a well.

The key to the new world is the resolve to get out of the well.

Being able to get out or not,

A new world awaits...


Everyone has a right to pursue a happy life.

The difficult part is to be given that right.

Everyone has a right to pursue a happy life.

The difficult part is to fulfill that right.

I too have a right to pursue a happy life.

The difficult part is to work out a compromise for that right.


That's because

I'm gonna become much much more happy from now on.

I'm not gonna compromise with just this.

We are gonna take back all of our happiness that we lost.

For me, that's about a hundred year's worth.

For you, a thousand year's worth.



Message From Frederica Bernkastel

I am who I am; Frederica Bernkastel.

Furude Rika and Frederica are different. Shame on you if you thought so.

My age? I've gotten bored with it, so I've quit counting.

Huh? Are you speculating that the real identity of the Oyashiro-sama is me?

Giggle giggle. You are so insolent.

The Oyashiro-sama is the Oyashiro-sama. You want me to introduce it to you? It's rather shy.

It gets frightened easily so don't scare it, okay? However, it seems that you are the one that's scared.

Giggle giggle giggle...


Well, that's it!

What do you think? ^^

I think it's beautiful... I love them...

I don't really understand some of them, but I understand most of course...

I really like poems, after all...


Well, that's it from me, after haven't posted anything at all this long...
See you another chance!!

Kamis, 09 Juni 2011

God's Blessing

Is anyone alive out there?

Ever feel like you're alive?
Of course. Even if it's just a glimpse of it.
I'm sure all of you have ever felt like you're blessed.
Blessed by what?
Anything. Everything around you.
Yeah, you feel it right?
The feeling when the sun is showering you with its bright light, yet you feel no hot inside you, but you feel warm in your heart.
The feeling when the air is blowing your face with the medium of wind, yet you feel no cold on the surface, but you feel calm inside.
The feeling when the sky is quenching your thirst with pouring the water from the cloud, yet you feel no pain in your body, but you feel satisfied by it.

Yes, you have felt something like that in your life, right?
Something that feels so usual, but actually you sense something different.
Something that's so usual, but you really feel something in your heart.
Something that makes you think "Ahh~ I'm ALIVE".
Yes, those sort of things.
The feeling when you feel like spreading your hand and give your body and soul while holding your head up to the sky.

Yeah, that's kind of awkward.
But, doesn't it feel good?
To be honest, that's what I feel.
"It's kinda awkward, but I feel good." is what I'm thinking when the light of sun showers me, or when the gust of wind blowing my face, or when the falling water pouring onto my body.
Yes, it really feels good.
I feel like being blessed.

Being blessed. That's another one.
Maybe some of you are thinking "is it enough proof to say that we're being blessed? isn't it just to satisfy us?"
Well, that's ok, I think.
For now, it is.
It is to satisfy us.
Is it wrong? Is it really wrong when you think like that?
It's okay, right?
It's okay if we're thinking we're blessed, right?
Even if it's just our thoughts, at least, it will put us in ease.
It's okay to put ourselves in ease, right?
As long as we don't leave the reality.
Yes, that's blessing.

It will put us in ease to live in reality.
It will make us to give our best.

Yes, that's blessing.
The feeling when you're GRATEFUL.
The feeling when you're GLAD.
The feeling when you're FULL.
The feeling when you have NO REGRET anymore.
The feeling when you're ALIVE.

People, even if it's just thinking, why don't you start feeling blessed?
Even for a little time, please feel blessed.
For it will make you Grateful.
Even for a little time, please feel blessed.
For it will make you Glad.
Even for a little time, please feel blessed.
For it will make you Full.
Even for a little time, please feel blessed.
For it will make you have No Regret anymore.
Even for a little time, please feel blessed.
For it will make you feel Alive.

At least, for you're here, really is being blessed right now.